Pregnant for a married man

by

April 03, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old, and I am very attractive. Everyone tells me so. I left the country and came to live in Kingston. I didn't have any relatives in Kingston, so I was staying with friends. Before I came to Kingston, I had a male friend. He was a big man and he was a fisherman.

He went out to sea, so I knew that he had money. He had a babymother. He gave her what she should have and gave me what I should get. He used to say, "Girl, protect yourself and don't get pregnant."

Whenever I had money, my mother was happy. When I told him I wanted to come to Kingston, he didn't stop me. He told me that I was young so if I wanted to try my luck with Kingston, I should do so. I came to Kingston and I promised myself that I would go to school, but of all the friends I stayed with, only one was interested in going to school.

I was lucky to get a job, but it didn't pay much. I could hardly send anything to my mother. I got involved with a guy, and he wanted to control me. I couldn't talk to any man and let him see. He would never tell me what he did for a living.

I went to live with him because he insisted that I do so. He accused all the girls that I was staying with of being prostitutes. It is true that two of the girls used to sell themselves. They worked in clubs, but they told me that they were protecting themselves from STIs. To get away from this guy, I had to leave my job and one of my coworkers put me up. The guy got arrested and was sentenced to some time in prison.

happy about pregnancy

I went to the club with my friends, and one of the patrons saw me and we became friends. This man is married, but his wife is abroad. The very thing I was running from caught me. I got pregnant for him, and he is very happy. He told his wife that I was not connected to him. I was only there because of his brother. His wife spoke to me on the phone and questioned me. I had to lie. She is doing a course at a university in America.

I don't know what I am going to do. I am expecting to have the baby in May, and his wife is coming home in June. He said that one of his friends would put me up, and he would pay the rent and send me back to school. Sometimes I think that I should have stayed at my mother's house and carried on with the fisherman.

I am thinking of giving up this baby for adoption when he is born. I don't have any problems getting money from this man, but I don't want to tell his wife that the child is his, and I don't want to destroy their lives.

What do you think I should do, pastor?

P.K.

Dear P.K.,

I suggest that you tell this man that you are not prepared to pretend that the child you are carrying is not his. Tell him that it's either he admits to his wife that he got you pregnant and that he is sorry about it and that he is willing to support the child and to support you until you are in a position to help yourself by getting a job and finding a comfortable place to live.

If he does not agree to tell his wife the truth about you, you should tell him that you would consider giving up this child for adoption legally or to one of his relatives until you are in a position to take back the baby. Bear in mind, however, that it will take a long time for you to be able to help yourself well because you would have to go back to school or to learn a skill before you can support the baby.

I also suggest that you discuss this matter with your mother. Perhaps your mother would accept the baby if the father would assure her that he would send money to her every week to support him.

I hope that he will see why it would be wise for you to give up this baby for adoption if he does not want it to be known that he has a child and for what has happened to cause an eruption in his family.

I am sorry that you have been bouncing around from the time you left rural Jamaica. You seem to be an ambitious young woman, but you have been very unfortunate. What is in the past is the past. Be determined from now to do better, and I wish you well.

Pastor

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