Mom kept my dad's identity a secret


April 11, 2018

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I hope you can give me your advice. I am 15 years old and I attend a prominent high school. I am the only child for my mother. I do not know how to explain this to you, but I will try.

I have my mother's name. My mother has never explained to me until recently who my father is. I used to ask her, and then I stopped. One day I went to a football match with my cousin. He is my aunt's son. We were just chatting. He said something about his father, and I said, "Your father, you are lucky!" I told him that I don't even know my father, and he said that he knew who my father was. I asked him on our way home if he would tell me who is my father and where he is. He told me that according to what he heard his mother say, it is top secret. I did not say anything more, but a few days after, I told my mother what my cousin said, so it is time for her to tell me. I also reminded her that I am in high school and in a few years I will graduate.


I watched my mother and tears came to her eyes. She said she would tell me soon. My father is a very prominent man in Jamaica. My mother showed me his picture and told me that I should promise that I will never embarrass my father or her, because he was already married when she got involved with him and became pregnant. She had a choice of aborting me, but my father said she should not have an abortion. She promised him that she would not say anything, because to divulge who got her pregnant would cause him to lose his job. He put money into her account every month to take care of me.

I am so proud of my mother, and I am proud of my father, too. He didn't have to encourage her to carry me. And he didn't have to support me. He has three other children, two girls and one boy. I know them, but they do not know that I am their brother.

My mother says that my father knows me. My mother says that I should keep quiet about what she has told me. I now know that I belong to a family. My mother does not know how to handle this anymore. What do you suggest, pastor?


Dear D.C.,

You are 15 years old. In a few years you would be out of high school, and, perhaps, go on to university. I suggest that while you are in university, your mother can arrange a meeting with you and your father. In fact, it should be a meeting where all three of you would meet. At that time, you would be at the age where you should be able to talk to your father and he would not have to worry about losing his job.

I am assuming that his job would not be threatened, neither would his marriage. And even if his wife becomes aware that her husband has another child, it would be silly for her to make an issue out of it, because you would have already been an adult.

Do not hold anything against your father or your mother. Both of them tried their best to deal with this matter as they saw fit.


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