Cousin got my sister pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old. I have two siblings. People say that my father prefers me to my siblings. I cannot say that is not true because my father is always looking out for me. He looks out for all of us, but for me in particular. If I need something and I ask my mother, she tells me go to my father. Even if she has it, she does not give it to me. I say to her “But you have it” and she says “No, you are your father’s pet, so go and get it from him.”

My siblings are very jealous of me because of the relationship I have with my father. There was this one occasion that my mother slapped me and it left marks on my skin. When my father came home and saw the marks, he went after my mother to beat her. She had to run to the neighbours. My father told her not to come back to the house and the neighbours had to house my mother for the entire night.

The neighbours had to talk to my father and quiet him down. He told them that he knows that my mother and my two siblings don’t like me because I have my complexion. My father told them that he knows that I am his child but he does not know about them because they do not look like him. My father told me that he was sorry he said that to my siblings because he knows that he is the father of all three of us.

When my father is angry, he says things that he should not say, but it is because of what they say to me about my complexion and how much I resemble him.

Recently, my sister, who is 22, became pregnant. My father asked her who got her pregnant. Everyone was shocked when she told him that it is one of her cousins. This cousin is from my mother’s side. My father cursed day and night and blamed my mother for what happened to my sister.

This man said that he is not responsible for my sister’s pregnancy. But my sister explained everything to my father about how it happened. Now that the pregnancy is seven months old, my father has provided everything for the baby and has declared that he does not want the man to come around the house.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

As I read your letter, I was reminded about what a gentleman told me.

He was a pastor for many years. His father was of light complexion and his mother was of dark complexion. He had siblings who were lighter than himself. They were loved by his father, but his father didn’t care for him at all. His father was very happy to have his children; he showed them much love because they were fairer complexion. However, when the father became ill, no one was around to take care of him except his dark-skinned son. My friend talked about it many times. I accompanied him to visit his father when his father was in a senior citizen’s home. He couldn’t help himself much.

Don’t allow what your mother or your siblings say about you to annoy you. The colour of one’s skin is not going to carry him/her through the world. Education is the answer. So, get the best education that you can. I know for a fact that siblings curse each other about their complexion and say very unfortunate things. But, whether you are of light complexion or you are very dark, when you were being conceived, you didn’t have any control over that.

It is unfortunate that your sister has got pregnant by a cousin. Give your sister as much help as you can.

Pastor