Pregnant for him but he still has other women

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am living with my boyfriend. I am seven months’ pregnant.

My boyfriend is 27 and this is his third child. But, as you may suspect, this is my first. We started living together about a year ago. I could not remain at home because of the condition there. I begged my boyfriend not to get me pregnant. He promised me that he wouldn’t, but here I am carrying his baby.

I have four subjects and I would love to be a nurse. Every day I cry over my situation. The only assurance that comforts me comes from my boyfriend. He told me that, after the child is two years old, he would allow me to go back to school. My mother promised that she would help me with the baby. My boyfriend says she could move in with us. But I am not the only woman in this man’s life. I went through his phone and saw the number of another who he talks to every day. He even sends her money. I asked him about her and he says nothing is going on between them, so I asked him why he sends her money and he told me she is in need of it.

This man treats me well. I am not in need of anything. He has a good job but I would like him to stop keeping other women. My mother spoke to him about that and he promised that he would try and stop, but he said women throw themselves at him and he does not like to see any woman suffer. So, if he can help them, he tries to do so.

When I first came to live with him, we had sex every night, and, even since I got pregnant, a week did not pass without us having sex. But, since the pregnancy is over seven months, he hardly has sex with me. I was born in the Victoria Jubilee Hospital but this man does not want me to give birth there. I am registered at another place. This man cannot say that I have been unfaithful to him. I really love him. He told my mother that I am a good girl and she should not fret about me, he would give me the education I want.

What is the formula in keeping a man? I would really like to know.

G.

Dear G.,

Some months ago, a senior citizen was asked by a young woman how she was able to keep her man for the many years they were together.

Without skipping a beat, she answered the question, but I cannot print the words she used. The young lady was startled so she repeated the question. The senior citizen repeated her answer. You are 19; you are not a child. I am sure you figured out what that woman said. I do not have any formula that I can share with you. I do know what the good book says that a couple should do when they are married. I have read many books and listened to many lecturers from my days in seminary. Plus, I remember the courses I have taken and what psychologists have said about what couples should do to stay together.

I remember I bought a book in seminary and unfortunately it disappeared. I have tried to remember the title so many times. I may not get it correct, but it’s something like “Everything You Need To Know To Stay Married And Like It”. The name of the author, I cannot remember. You would be surprised to know that people have stolen books from me. Some folks who I have trusted, I loaned them books on family life, sex, etc, but they have never returned them. People have visited our church and taken our hymn books.

But, back to what you have asked. You are a young girl. If a man is ‘bad’ or ‘wild’ as people call it, you would never be able to tame him. An educated woman once told me that, when she met the man who became her husband, he was very wild but she tamed him and bragged about it. But, when I spoke to her husband, he admitted that she did not tame him at all and he was still carrying on with other women. He even laid out to me the way he did it. He was at home every evening, so his wife could not suspect that he had other women. I would not say here what he did to keep his other women.

Be good to your man. Plan your life carefully. Go back to school and may God help you.

Pastor