Car vibration conspiracy

January 18, 2018

Dis Jamaican man up yah inna Orangeman country see mi an gimmie a hail. Him say him have supm weh been a badda him an him glad fi see mi fi ask mi bout it. Because mi get dem approach ya all di while, an caa mi neva inna nuh hurry, mi tell him fi run di question.

Di man say: "Weh yuh tink bout dem car seat ya weh dem have a vibrate unda man?"

Even though at first mi neva have a clue weh him a talk bout, mi did still immediately waan laugh fram just how di question sound. DWL.

But den mi quickly run a pree an figure out wat was di ongle ting him coulda a refer to: some modern cars have a safety feature in the driver's seats that vibrate to warn of impending danger. For example, if yuh a reverse an bout fi lick up inna supm, yuh wi feel di seat vibrate unda yuh fi warn yuh say yuh out fi get inna a accident. A dis bossy did a talk bout.

Mi tell him it obviously de deh fi ensure di safety of drivers.

Di man frown suspiciously an say, "yeah, but it could be a part a babylon plan fi get we eena dem tings deh."

"Babylon plan?", mi ask.

"Yeah man, fi we get used to vibration unda we bottom."

People, mi couldn't hol it any longer, mi just bust out a big dutty laugh!! after which mi tell him say mi really nuh tink say di carmakers dem have dem ulterior motive deh wen dem put een dat specific safety feature.

Di man continue fi calmly protest (him talk wid a low, quiet voice), an maintain say dem neva did haffi goh soh far fi have all dem "vibration deh unda man bottom."

Soh mi point out that di vibration dem nuh actually unda di driver's bottom, rather, dem more unda di driver's leg. Mi also remind him say women drive di vehicle dem too, and as such di babylon-vibration-unda-bottom conspiracy wouldn't apply to dem. But it neva matta wa mi say, him still hol wa him hol.

A swear, many Jamaicans can tek anyting an relate it to supm fi do wid sex and/or sexuality. Nuh matta how unrelated to sex the object or concept might be, dem will still find a way fi see some sex issue inna it.

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