He is married but wants me back


October 28, 2015

Dear Pastor,

Greetings in the mighty name of the Lord. I am a 31-year-old woman, who was living with my child's father for five years. My daughter is nine. We were having simple issues like other couples do, so he decided to move out. A few months after we parted, which was in 2013, I heard that he got married to a lady in the United States. The wedding took place in Jamaica. He has never travelled up until now. Is this woman using him or what?

Now, pastor, something really looks fishy. I have moved on with my life. I am doing a pharmacy technician course and trying to focus on myself and my daughter. This man is trying to get back with me after he and his family deceived, betrayed, manipulated and humiliated me. He is not being truthful about his relationship with his wife. He is pretending like everything is OK because he is telling me that he is a changed person. If he is happily married, why is he telling me these things that he has changed and would be a better man?

Our daughter became ill and he came by my house to look for her. I had a refrigerator that was not working properly, so he bought me a new one. He also bought a microwave and a fan, which we didn't have before and we were living together for five years. I don't want to start a relationship with him now that he is married. There is nothing in that relationship for me. Every night he is calling me. Sometimes I just ignore him because he hurt me so much so whenever I look at him it seems as if I haven't forgiven him, but I have. I prayed to the Lord for me to let go off resentment and asked him to have his way with the situation.

Pastor, I need your advice. What should I do?


Dear A.S.,

I suggest that you continue to pray that God will remove all hatred and resentment of this man. And that the Lord will help you to continue to forgive him for the way he has treated you. It appears that he would love to rekindle the intimate relationship that both of you had, but you should let him know that you are not willing to be intimate with him. However, you expect him to financially support his daughter. Tell him that you have accepted the refrigerator, the microwave and the fan because your daughter needs them.

You ought not to question him about the relationship with his wife and himself. Perhaps his wife has filed for him, but the process is slow. Some of you women pretend that you do not want your former lovers, but you only say one thing and do the other. I hope you are not talking from both sides of your mouth. If you don't want this man back in your life, tell him so and mean it.


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