My boyfriend is more than twice my age


October 29, 2015

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and the man I love is 51. I am not worried about his age. What I am worried about is that he has children who are older than I am and they don't like me. my mother is always cursing me about him. Many times my mother doesn't have any food to eat and I have to give her money that I get from him, otherwise she wouldn't be able to eat. My father and I talked about my situation and he told me that the man could be my grandfather but he understands why I am with him.

My father is sick and cannot work, otherwise he would help me. My mother however, doesn't try to be an example to me. people say she is seeing another man. My father heard about it but he cannot help it. One day my mother was cursing me, I asked her how could she curse me and she has a man with father. She said that it's a lie and she would kill me. This man gives me everything I want. I wish he could have adopted me but now it is too late because he is my boyfriend. I love him too much to leave him. I want to go and live abroad. He is putting some money together so that I can show the Embassy that I have money in the bank. I have relatives in America. Please give me your fatherly advice.


Dear T.A.,

Let me begin first of all by telling you not to say anything disrespectful to your mother. People say that she is having an affair but you have not said that you know whether that is true and you can prove it. I hope you will never say that to your father. I could understand why your mother talks to you about having this much older man as your lover. However, her approach is wrong. She shouldn't be cursing you about him but at the same time accepting the money that he gives to you to buy food. The approach of your father is much better. At least he reasons with you. I am sorry to know that he is not well. You have not said whether or not you are working. I am assuming that you are not. You should try your very best to get a job and to go back to school in the evenings or learn a skill so that you will be able to work and support yourself and not rely on this man. Has this man ever proposed to you? At the moment his children do not like you. Perhaps they see you as a gold digger or someone who is taking from their father what they should get. You haven't said whether he is married. I don't know if you are trying to go away in an effort to get away from this man or you see it as a means of getting an opportunity to improve your status in life. Although this man has children your age, if he loves you as much as you love him, he may consider marrying you. I really don't know. Although he is much older than you, some of these relationships work. I am not prepared to condemn you or the man. I only hope that he means you well. Let me hear from you again.


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