Mom wants me to leave my unborn child's father


November 03, 2015

Dear Pastor,

I have never been the type to ask for advice. I am usually able to handle things on my own. However, I have found myself in a situation and don't know where to turn.

I am 18 and living with my boyfriend, who is also the father or my unborn child.

We have been together for three years but I have only been living with him for a year. He is a very sweet guy. He never mistreats or neglects me. My mother had no issue with me being with him until she found out I was pregnant. After she found out, she started to show her true feelings towards him, saying he was too poor and worthless to take care of me and our child I am expecting.

She has even been to a so-called obeah man with my grandmother to try get rid of us and the baby.

When that did not work, she said the only way she would help is if I returned home and live by their rules.

Pastor, my grandmother wants me to be with old, rich men in order to get money in her hands, but I do not see myself doing so. I believe you must only be with someone you love and intend to marry. My boyfriend doesn't want to accept any help from them. I agree with him. Am I wrong for not wanting anything from them? They only dislike him because he is not rich, and has no money to give them. The money he makes from work is to buy baby stuff and food for us to eat, but my family does not think it counts.

I love this man, pastor, and my family has shunned me for it. I refuse to leave him, based on their shallow reasons. He wants to be here for his baby, and that is commendable to me. Please, help me, pastor. I eagerly await your response.


Dear Abandoned,

You wish to be left alone. From the time you were 15 you have had this boyfriend. You left your parents home and went to live with him. You have not said why you left home to live with this man at such an early age. You haven't said whether your folks asked you to leave. Perhaps you were so much in love with this man that you wanted to be with him all the time.

I cannot imagine that your mother and grandmother would waste their money on an obeah man to try and get you and this guy to break up, and to have you return to the family home.

When a man and a woman are living together and cohabiting anything can happen, especially if they are not using any form of birth control. How could they be surprised when you got pregnant?

What did your folks say to you that made you believe they wanted you to be intimate with men who are much older than you, and are financially stable? Did your relatives say that to you or are you just imagining so?

If your parents went to the obeah man to try to destroy the relationship between the man and yourself, they have blown their money. I hope they will settle down with you and accept your boyfriend as a part of the family.

I must warn you. Never abandon your parents. You do not have to agree with them in everything, but you will need them. Continue to show respect to them and, please, make plans to go back to school. You do need an education. I wish you well as you plan for your baby.


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