Is my 51-year-old boyfriend too old for me?


March 03, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 51 years old. He is all the world to me and I don't want to lose him. He was married but his wife went away; I was his neighbour. My mother used to wash and cook for him. The money that he paid my mother is what she used to support us.

My mother used to work with this man but she couldn't manage after a while, so I took over. My mother got worse and I kept working. I have one daughter who is three years old. When I started to work with this man, her father accused me of having a relationship with him, but there was nothing like that. This man helped us. He would help to take my mother to the doctor if he had the time, and he used to give me money to give to her. I worked with this man for eight months before he made any sexual advance towards me.

One day, he told me that it doesn't seem as if his wife wants to come back and if I would stay with him sometimes and keep his company. I said it to my mother and she said that would be up to me.

So one night, I slept over his house but he never came home until the following morning. I told him I wasn't coming back because I believe that he went to look for a girl. I was vex, but another week passed and I told him that I would come by. He and I are boyfriend and girlfriend now. I don't need anything. He wants me to be always clean because his friends come around. He even taught me how to serve drinks to people when they visit. I have to wear uniform when I am working in the house.

His two children are with his wife in America and they call all the time, but when I am there at nights and they call, I don't answer the phone. I don't hide anything from my mother. She knows everything. The only thing I don't tell her is what we do in bed. When I told him that I would like to go back to school, he asked me who will take care of him. I told him I would. He is not giving me a good answer when it comes to that. He has no problem when it comes to sex. I don't want to have anything to do with my child's father because when he accused me of seeing this man, he wasn't doing anything to help me.

Do you think that this man is too old for me? He is planning to divorce his wife, but he says that the house is in both their names. Please for your advice.


Dear D.C.,

You are 22 years old and you are working with this man. He is married. He says that his wife has left him and she is not returning to Jamaica. How can you be sure that that is the truth? I know you are impressed with him because he has been a very good man. He has been assisting you, he treats you very well. Your child's father did not want you to work with him because he suspected that this man and you were going to be involved, and it has happened.

I cannot encourage you to be in this kind of relationship with this man. If he were divorced that would be difference, but he is not. And one of these days he may say to you that he and his wife have decided to get back together; you would be out in the cold. Having said that, I know that the decision is surely yours. You mother feels that there is nothing wrong with the relationship, but she could say that because of his kindness.

I am not concerned about the man's age because many couples have great disparity in age. This man may mean well, and I am sure you mean well. I am therefore not prepared to condemn you, but you should remember that you cannot believe everything a man may say to you, especially in a love relationship.


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