I'm in love with a narcissist!


June 14, 2016

Dear Pastor

I would like to ask for your help and advice. It has to do with my first encounter with a narcissistic. I must say she comes across as a beautiful charming, caring and loving person, who promised to never hurt me. However, under that smile is the face of a sinister, full-blown ego of a demon.

My first observation was when we were playing on a bus with each other. She attempted to kiss me goodbye. I dodged it and said "psych, tomorrow".

She was outraged and told me what to do with my mother. I was shocked to death. When I confronted her, she said, "Do you have any idea how it feels? That was embarrassing."

I sympathised with her and apologised. I thought I was wrong. At that time, I had no in-depth knowledge about narcissistic behaviour.

She demands attention, keeps asking me when last I told her she's beautiful and if I love her. I have never met such a person in my life who demands so much attention. I even burned myself with hot oil because I was giving her attention and not my cooking.

Another example of this mind game is when I asked a simple question and she considered it an offence, claiming I don't respect her.


I recall our first argument. When I sat down and really thought it over, she actually manipulated me. I had asked her who was texting her. We were talking, late in the night, about 1:30 a.m. Her phone kept vibrating. It was annoying so I asked the question.

She blew the situation out of proportion and created an argument. I was baffled as I was angered. She counteracted my question with a question followed by blocking me from contacting her.

The question she asked was, "Have I given you any reason to believe I was cheating on you?"

I didn't ask if she was cheating but she further went on to say it was my phone. I was mad because I knew it wasn't my phone because I was speaking to her on my computer.

She said she needed some space. I stopped texting her. A few hours later she texted me, saying I had abandoned her. She even went as far as to say she didn't want a relationship and I should have a great life. I was so confused.

I told her I would give my parents credit to call and talk to her because I'm done with the obeah conversation. I didn't because the following night she said, "I am narcissistic as (expletive). I only care about my character, I am not special. Who do you think you are? Boys are unlimited." I was left puzzled as to where all of this was coming from.

I decided to play her narcissistic game. I told her I was a narcissist and my sister as well. I lied about hurting my exs and how I hurt people to see her reaction.

Trust me I didn't do any of these horrible things. I plotted and put on a narcissistic show. She was speechless.

I used logic and her own words against her. It reached a point at which she started using expletive language.

I must say I'm feeling guilty for asking that question because it resulted in the end of the relationship. I acted on advice given to me by my mother and grandmother.

They said I should have ended it from the day in the bus when she told me what to go do with my mother. The relationship lasted three months. I feel there's a lot to this person.


I was conducting a research and I, found out that narcissistic persons are incapable of truly loving someone. I couldn't believe, they live in a false reality and think of people as objects and extension of themselves.

I would like to know whether a person can be in a healthy relationship with such a person. And can they change? Did I make the right decision to end the relationship? I really love her and I feel like I was too hard on her.

S. S.

Dear S.S.

When this girl insulted you by telling you what to do with your mother, you should have ended the friendship with her immediately.

She declared to you that she had a filthy mouth. She has no respect for herself nor you.

No man should have a serious relationship with any woman who curses his mother. What she said was not a joke. You should not have waited for your mother and grandmother to tell you to dump that girl.

Perhaps what you can do is encourage her to see a psychologist. I doubt she will do so because she probably doesn't see anything wrong with her. However, she needs help. You are incapable of doing so. You are not a psychologist.

If you want to continue to be a fool, to tell yourself that you love her, it is up to you.

You have been shaming your parents by sticking around with this girl. You may not have any shame, but this girl will continue to mock you and your relatives. Do what is right.


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