My husband has many other women
I have tried to call you many times but could not reach you, so I have decided to write. I am a regular reader of your column. I used to ask why do these people have to write to you and tell you these things when are a pastor. Since these things are happening to me, I decided to turn to you for advice.
I am 35 years old and married for 10 years. I got pregnant twice, but I lost the babies. After I lost my first child, I noticed that my husband was staying out late. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that his friends were mocking him and telling him that it is time for him to get a child.
My husband works with the government and when he is not at home at a reasonable time, I get worried. If I try to call him, his phone is off.
I started to do some investigation on my own and I found out that he was having a relationship with one of his co-workers. He admitted it to me. I spoke to the woman and she gave me a good cursing. To cut a long story short, she is now pregnant for my husband. He said that the child is not his, but people told me that it is his child; and the girl said that it is his. This girl called me a 'mule'. When I expected my husband to stand up for me, he is blaming me and saying that if I didn't interfere with the girl, she wouldn't have called me a mule.
My husband has changed. He still gives me my money every two weeks. But when he leaves the house, he doesn't tell me where he is going like he used to. I used to put my trust in him, now I can't.
His phone did not have a code on it, now it has one. It has been four months now since my husband and I have had sex because I told him that he should use the condom, as I don't want his whoring woman to get me sick. Sometimes I am dying for sex but I pretend as if I am alright. I have to be feeling up myself to get comfort.
I told him if the child is his, I would take the child from the mother and take care of it. He did not answer. We can more than take care of a child. My doctor told me to relax because I can get pregnant again, but how can I get pregnant if I am not having sex with my husband. I am willing to start all over if my husband will leave his sweetheart alone.
Everything I say to him, he tells me I am the one who started it.
Pastor, I am not a fool. I know my husband has girls on the road. I smell their perfume on him. Please tell me what to do.
Dear E. L.,
You both need professional help. You have not said what caused you to have two miscarriages. But your doctor has assured you that you can get pregnant again, so that is good news. Evidently, your husband has become very anxious to father a child, so he is hitting the road, so to speak.
He admitted that he has had affairs. You thought that you were helping your relationship when you confronted one of the young women, but her action was not pleasant. I am sure that has caused you to feel depressed; and your husband has blamed you for calling her.
Since this has happened, your relationship with your husband has deteriorated and, to make matters worse, you have stopped having sex with him. Some people would say that you are driving him to other women. I cannot say that I don't understand why you have been refusing to have sex with him without the use of the condom. What I suggest that the both of you should do is talk things out and go to see a doctor. Your husband could agree to be tested for STDs, including HIV. You can agree to be tested, too. After the results are in, both of you can resume having sex without the condom, if your husband would stop having sex with these other women.