My man is a coconut vendor

by

June 22, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 18. My first boyfriend and I broke up because his mother did not like me. She said I was too black for her son. She considers herself as a 'high-colour' woman. Pastor, she is not pretty. She has spots all over her face.

When my boyfriend (her son) told me what she had said about me, I asked him what he was going to do. He said we had to break up because of his mother. I called him a momma's boy.

He called me after that, many times. I told him I did not want him. For four months, I did not have a boyfriend.

I used to buy jelly coconut from a man. He is half-Rasta and always told me he loves me. Sometimes he didn't take money from me for the jelly. He and I became friends. I really like him.

One Friday evening, he picked me up and took me to Port Royal. I tried to kiss him, but he said, "No, daughter".

I told him I am not his daughter, so, he said, "No, baby". I could not believe it. Imagine this man doesn't kiss.

I don't like the type of work he is doing, but he said he is not going to work for anybody. I like him but I can't stay with him.

All he eats is fish. He does not like meat. He gives me more money than what the other guy used to give me. He does not smoke, but he stays around the roadside to sell coconut water and bag juice.

How can I introduce this man to my parents? My father would curse and say I don't have any ambition.

My boyfriend is clean. He has a five-year-old son. The little boy is living with him. I asked him where the child's mother was. He said she was bad so he ran her away.

The first time we had sex, he did not want to use the condom, so I told him no condom, no sex.

He went out and got it. I made sure to put it on him myself. All he talks about is having a child with me. However, I need to get an education.

He is 15 years older than I am. Should his age be a barrier? Pastor, tell me how you feel about him.

J.M.

Dear J.M.,

The mother of your ex-boyfriend prefers if her son dates a girl of light complexion. The young man went along with what his mother wants for him. You should wish him well. Love is very strange.

Here you are, an 18-year-old woman, you love your coconut water. You used to purchase it from the vendor. You fell in love with him. I could imagine how proud this 33-years-old man is, profiling with you.

This man does not like to kiss and does not believe in using the condom, but you were successful in getting him to use it. If you continue to have sex with him, one of these days he may trick you and enter without your noticing what he is doing.

I could be wrong, but I believe this relationship is not going to last. I sense this man is only filling a gap because, already, you are questioning how to introduce him to your parents.

He is not the type of man your parents would expect their daughter to bring home.

You are having fun with him, for now, but you would prefer to have an educated man, who earns a fairly good salary. You don't want a man who is by the road, selling jelly coconuts.

Don't misunderstand me. Nothing is wrong with what the man is doing for a living, but don't be a hypocrite. You know that he is not your type of guy. So stop fooling him.

What does this man have against a kiss? You mean, to say, if you and this man were to get married, he wouldn't want to kiss you?

Maybe he does not believe in French kissing. He does not want anything that has to do with the tongue. Please, go back to school. It is the best way forward.

Pastor

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