I am not a narcissist!


June 23, 2016

Dear Pastor,

A letter was published in your column titled 'I'm in love with a narcissist'. There are just a couple of things that I need to clarify. For one, I'm the female who was mentioned in the article, and I can more than guarantee that I am not a narcissist in any way, shape or form.

Second, I will note that I am 18. I run with a very close-knit group of friends and we do insult each other a lot, but we do not see it as being anything serious. The writer knows this as well. I am referring to the part where he said that I told him what to do with his mother. He embarrassed me on the bus and it flew out of my mouth. Yes, I know it was wrong. Then again, it was just a habit of mine to say that to my friends. I am now working on it.

I noticed that in your response, you berated me for being a potty mouth, but the writer of the letter did not mention that he is even more so than I am. He uses curse words for everything, even in regular conversations. I use it solely when I am extremely irate. And another thing, from the letter you may have got the impression that since I am a narcissist, I was cursing him out because I am set on belittling him and disrespecting him, and that is not the case.

He purposefully picks arguments with me when I am ill, upset or stressed out, because I am a university student and in the last semester I did a large amount of courses. Whenever he starts an argument and I'm getting too upset and refuse to speak with him, he twists my words and tries to make me feel bad for being upset. Along with that, he is also very verbally abusive himself, and when I call him out on it, he says he is joking or I take things too seriously.

During the very argument that he wrote to you about, he told me that he and his sister are both narcissists as well, and told me I am nothing in comparison to them and that they are superior to me. He also sent me voice notes threatening me that he will cut off pieces of my body, and how, if it gets physical, he will mess me up, and telling me of situations where he berated his ex to tears.

As for how we broke up, him saying that his mother and grandmother or some other family member told him to, is not true. I was in a family WhatsApp group of his up to the day the relationship ended, and I am sure his family would have said something to me while I was in the group if I had disrespected them in anyway and they knew of it.

The relationship did end because, after the final argument, I was not speaking to him, and he sent me a message saying that he is ill, which I ignored. He emailed me that morning telling me that he wants to break up because I don't care anymore.

I assure you that I am not a narcissist in any way, and I just want to clarify these things and debunk these lies on my character.

L. W.

Dear L.W.,

I want to thank you for responding to what was written to me and for endeavouring to clarify what your former lover alleged that you are guilty of. I am not here to take sides.

However, I want to exhort you to try your best to control your temper at all times. Even when you are angry, try not to use expletives or to say unkind words to anyone or of anyone.

Although you say that your friends are not insulted by the things they say to each other, you don't have to do what everybody does.

I want to assure you of my prayers. May the Good Lord bless and help you. Do write to me again.


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