I want to leave one of my lovers


June 27, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and it is very interesting. I have a problem and I need your advice. I am a 41-year-old woman and I am married. My husband and I used to live happily. We did not quarrel or fuss. We never used to go out much, only to church.

My husband went to America to better himself and the family. When he was leaving, he said he would spend six months and return and then go again. He worked with his brothers and he sent money for us for four months. We have one son. When I wasn't hearing from him, I called and called and couldn't reach him.

My child had to go to school and the rent had to be paid. My pay couldn't carry all the bills. I had to have sex with one of my husband's friends because I was desperate. The light bill had to be paid and I owed two months' rent. His friend gave me $30,000, plus he bought uniform for my son, who is also his godson.


Sex with this man became a regular thing. He was always at the house and people started to talk about us. He was married.

I got involved with a single man and was now getting money from both men. The single man was very careful. All that time I was not hearing a word from my husband.

Then one day, his friend told me that somebody told him that he saw my husband and that my husband told him he is finished with me because all I am doing in Jamaica is "tecking man" and his name was called. He also said my husband has a woman and she has a child for him and I should look out for divorce papers any time soon.

I am willing to give my husband the divorce. I know he would have heard that I am not living a perfect life. How could a hungry woman's life be perfect? But it was only after I was not hearing from my husband that I went to bed with another man. I swear, my life now is in such a mess. I want this married man to leave me alone. I don't want to be ungrateful because he has helped me, but he acts as if he is in charge of the house.

From he found out that this other guy loves me, he has been watching me. I told him that he is unfair because he has his wife, so he should allow me to try a new life with the single guy because I want to get a father for my son. He said he is his god-father already. Sometimes I have to cry.

This man is 53 years old and the single guy is 44. He was never married. He has two children with two different women and he wants to settle down. He told me I can come and live with him and stop paying rent. What should I do? Please help me to make the right decision.


Dear R.L.

Perhaps when your husband decided to go to America, he had good intentions. Perhaps it was not his intention to abandon his family. For a time, he supported you, but he got involved with another woman who was nearer to him and he foolishly stopped supporting his child and you.

I am not going to condemn you. Some women would condemn you and even curse you, but that wouldn't help you. This man helped you and helped himself too. Your husband shouldn't condemn you either because he, too, is guilty of infidelity.

Whenever you receive the divorce papers from your husband, sign them. You have had rocky days and you may have to face many more. Now that everybody knows that you are having an affair, whenever you are asked about him, tell him or her that you have asked him to go.


If the single man is serious about having a relationship with you, tell him that as soon as you get your divorce, you will marry him. I will not encourage you to live with him until he marries you.

You shouldn't be taking money from both men. You are an intelligent woman. You should know what to do. Live within your means or below your means. You may have to seek a place that is cheaper than where you are at the moment. I hope the single guy means what he says, no fooling around. Let me hear from you again.


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