My boyfriend has never taken me on a date


June 29, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 19 months now, but our relationship is slowly coming to an end, though I have tried very hard to keep it together.

I work seven days a week while he works five days. That is where the problem is. I asked him to come and spend the day with me at work because my older brother owns the business. He came once or twice, but he says that he feels uncomfortable because my brothers are looking at him.

To me, that is trivial because couple months ago his sister-in-law was staying at his house with her younger sister, who was really into him.

He also told me that they got very close to having sex, but they were interrupted so it ended there.

Although I hated this girl and her sister, I still visited him. I was surrounded by people I hated, but I still went to save our relationship because I knew if I didn't go, I would surely lose him. I was uncomfortable as hell.

Our biggest issue was communication, and we both knew that. He didn't have a phone at the time. He told me that when he got the phone we would communicate more often.

A couple weeks after buying the phone, I didn't receive any calls from him. When I called him and asked him what was the problem, he told me that he could not afford to buy credit to put on the phone. At that time he was on training and claimed that he couldn't buy a phonecard for $135. Yet, he could find money to buy cigarettes.

We live a short distance from each other. We can even walk.

I have never asked him for anything because I like feeling independent. I believe he should offer to do things. I don't think I should ask. Sometimes I really need some cash, but I don't ask him.

It is hard for me to forgive. I know that for a fact I still haven't forgiven him for forgetting my birthday.

We spent my first birthday together as friends when we were in high school. Because of that, I didn't pressure him to give me anything. But he gave me a cheap watch, which I still haven't worn.


For my second birthday, I bought a dress, jewellery and heels, the whole works, waiting to hear my phone ring for him to tell me happy birthday, but no call. I broke my chip out of anger when I noticed that the time was getting late.

About 10 p.m. I borrowed a phone and called him. I said to him, "you forget something". He was like, "happy birthday." I told him it was over in a crying tone and hung up.

The other day he called my brother's phone wanting to talk to me. When I answered the phone with an attitude like a typical Jamaican, he told me he was sorry and he was going to make it up to me. I am still waiting.

After I started to miss him, I sent him a 'please call me'. He called and told me he bought a car, but he has so many things to take care of, including his sick mother.

How can he buy a car and can't take me out? When he told me, I wasn't happy at all.

He told me that purchasing the car will improve our communication. But I know that's a lie because the phone didn't improve our communication.

Is this time to call it quits or should I wait for him to change? I have a strong feeling I'm being cheated on, but I have no concrete evidence.

He has been hanging around a girl. According to him, she's a lesbian. She's bisexual because when I went overseas, he told me that she gave him oral sex. I was like, "ok, no problem", because I told him anything I'm not going to do, he should go and get it somewhere else. But now they are too close.

I was over his house the other day and she was calling. He put the call on loud speaker and she was asking him if he was going to a 'set up' and he said yes. But he didn't even invite me and that was a big deal because he normally invites me, to everything. I'm wondering if he's just tired of me or something.


Dear C.R.,

This relationship is not going to last. You don't have a boyfriend you can be proud of.

This man doesn't care about you. He thinks that you are silly, and indeed you behave like a very simple person. This man makes silly excuses why he can't be with you or even communicate with you. He is playing around.

He does not respect you. That is why he can tell you about his encounter with the sister of his sister-in-law.

The relationship he is having with you doesn't mean anything to him. That is why he felt comfortable in telling you that he almost had sexual intercourse with her.

He told you that one of his girlfriends is a lesbian and he felt proud to say that they had oral sex, and that did not bother you. That tells me that both of you need professional help.

You have to learn to develop some pride in yourself. He does not take you anywhere and that should tell you that he does not think highly of you. Give him the boot.

I think I have said enough to open your eyes.


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