My husband tricked me into thinking he could have kids


July 01, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 27. I have a child, whi was born out of wedlock. His father supports him. We broke up a year after the child was born because he had promised to marry me.

After I had the baby, he wanted us to continue having a relationship without being married. I told him we had to get married because he had taken me out of church and I wanted to go back.

We were not living together. Every time he came to see me, he wanted sex. I wanted sex too because I enjoyed it.

He changed his mind about getting married. He told me that he wanted to build a house first. I decided to leave him.

I met a 45-year-old man, who is well off. His family is well known. We fell in love. Within a year, we were married.

He was divorced before we met. I know his children. They accept me. I even met his ex-wife. She is a darling. He said I musn't look at her as a saint. Sometimes she calls the house when she wants to talk to him about the children and we chat for a little while. She has never said anything bad about him, just that they couldn't get along.

I am having a major problem with him. He did not tell me he cannot have anymore children. He knew I wanted to have a child with him and gave the impression that all was well.

We have been married for two years. I am more than ready to have a child.

I am now hearing that he had a vasectomy after he had his last child.

I feel betrayed. He has given me everything a woman could desire from her husband, but I am lacking that one thing I was expecting from him, a child.

Pastor, I want you to talk to my husband for me. Ask him to get this operation reversed. He is reluctant to do so. He said it is permanent, but I have read that it does not have to be.

Pastor, please help me.

F. M.

Dear F.M.,

Your husband is going to spoil a beautiful relationship. The plain truth is that he lied to you and should not have done so.

He probably felt that because you had a child and he has fathered children, you would have been satisfied if you didn't have any children together.

However, he had promised that the both of you would have had children though he knew a vasectomy is considered permanent because it involves cutting tubes which carry sperm from the testicles. Though the operation has been reversed, it is not always possible.

To save your marriage, agree to go see a family counsellor. He should admit that he has lied to you. In fact, he tricked you and should ask for forgiveness. At the risk of sounding foolish, I believe he should agree to get the operation reversed. If it cannot be reversed, you should try to adopt a child.


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