Tired of waiting for my man to come back


July 01, 2016

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I admire your work. Keep it up.

I am 30. I am taking care of two children who are not my own. They belong to my boyfriend. We have been involved for four years. Their mother died.

He has been away for a year and six months. He sends money all the time. I live in his house.

I want to leave him because he does not want anybody to visit me, not even my relatives. The people on the complex are nosey, especially a girl who lives next door.

She behaves as if he is her man. He couldn't know things he has asked me unless someone told him. I know it is the girl who told him.

He has a way of questioning the children. I don't like that.

I have started cheating on him. I was faithful to him for nine months, but I cheated on him twice in one week.

I did it on New Year's Eve with one of my old-time boyfriends. He invited me to a party. I went to his house and had sex with him.

He took me home the following day. The children were staying at my aunt's house.


I had sex again, three days after, at the guy's house. I had promised him another round before his wife came back from spending the Christmas and New Year's with her people.

I know I was wrong, but this man has tied me up. From what he told me, he cannot come back to Jamaica now.

Every time I talk to him about it, he tells me I should hold on. I would hold on if I knew I had something to get.

I told him to put my name on his house title. He told me the house belongs to his children, but he will help me to buy one.

I have my eyes on another guy. He is not married. We have not had sex nor have we gone out as yet.

I am waiting to hear from you before I date this guy. I am not a bad girl, but these guys are causing me to think a different way.

C. G.

Dear C.G.

Are you still in love with this guy? Does this man have any intention of marring you? How long does he expect you to wait on him?

It seems to me it is time to tell this man you wish to move on and cannot continue committing yourself to him unless you know for sure he is coming back to Jamaica to marry you.

Some people might say you are wrong for telling him to put your name on the house title, but I think what you were trying to do is to have some form of security. If he is committed to the relationship, he should prove it in a tangible manner.

It might take a long time before this man returns to Jamaica. You have not said whether you are working. I hope you are and support yourself.

You went out on New Year's Eve with a guy, your old friend, because you have not had a date in a long time and felt the need for a man. You know what you did was wrong, but this guy was glad for the opportunity to go to bed with you.

I cannot encourage you to continue this relationship. Concerning the other guy who is single, if you are willing to form a relationship with him, you should let your friend living abroad know that you want to move on.

However, you should only do so after you have brought an end to the relationship with the man overseas. You have been with this man who is living abroad for four years. It is not going to be easy to terminate the relationship.

If it is not going anywhere, it would be better to do so, considering you are in your 30s and do not know how long you will have to wait for this man or if he is going to marry you when he gets back.


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