My good man keeps delaying marriage


July 07, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading you articles for several years and admire your work a lot. I need your feedback, pastor, on several issues that I am going through. I am a 26-year-old young lady. I am a university graduate who was unable to get a stable, good-paying job for the past years due to the state of the economy. My boyfriend is also a university graduate with stable, well-paid employment. We have been together since 2011 and have been living together for approximately three years. He takes really good care of me and we trust and love each other very much. We met and spent some time with both sides of both our families, and it all seemed to be going well.

He does everything to ensure that I am happy and that I don't have to ask my family for help. And whenever I am not working he pays all the bills, even if it means that he won't be able to save anything. Sometimes I feel bad, but when I can, I do all that I can for him to be happy and he is very appreciative. He is a good man.

However, at times, I tend to be very unhappy to the point where I sometimes cry. I want to get married and serve the Lord. I do not feel comfortable worshipping in church while fornicating. I also want to get married before I have children. But now, pastor, my boyfriend doesn't see an issue with having children first and is saying he doesn't want to rush into marriage before he is stable enough and can provide a certain level of stability for his family. He says that he has plans for us to get married, but not right now. He is a very detailed person who plans ahead. But pastor, I don't see the point because we have been together for so many years, what difference should it make if we do get married now?

He keeps saying it's going to happen, but nothing happens before its time. I am seriously thinking about giving this relationship a break if next year comes and nothing has materialised.


It feels like our relationship is stagnant and I really think it's time to take it to the next level, as I am growing inpatient.

He at times calls me his wife, but pastor, I do not want to sit around and play wife. I want to do the right thing, and that's pleasing God. I don't want to continue in sin. I am also afraid of having children and I think having them in wedlock will bring comfort and help with this fear of childbirth.

Am I too impatient? Do you think that I am overthinking? He is really a sweet guy and he is a gentleman. I would not want to lose him, but I can't wait forever. What should I do pastor?


Dear Unhappy,

I believe every word you say. I believe that you genuinely love this guy and that he loves you. However, this man must come to realise that he should go the extra mile, so to speak, to make you feel very comfortable and loved. He loves you, yes. But he should express his love in doing what is right and acceptable in the sight of God. He knows that your desire is to serve God and feel comfortable when you attend church. Therefore, he should make that possible. In that area of the relationship, he has failed you.

It is not good enough for him to say that it is going to happen and that he has plans. Nothing is perfect. When two people love each other, they have to take risks. You do not want to have children out of wedlock; therefore, he should marry you. If he does not have the money for a big splashy wedding, he can have a very simple wedding and in a year or two have a big party, and both of you could invite your friends and relatives.

You have a good man. Both of you should stay together. But as I see it, your boyfriend is punishing you a little bit by not getting married to you. He cannot have things his own way. A couple must learn to compromise from time to time, and now is the time for him to say, "Let's do it. Let us get married".


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