I want to marry her although she cheated and got pregnant


July 21, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old and I am educated. I do not have children, but I am a backslider.

I was not always a Christian. I grew up attending Sunday school and I got baptised when I was 13 years old.

Nine years ago I got involved with a church sister. After she got pregnant, she said I was the one who got her pregnant.

Her mother came and spoke to me about it. I told her that the child was not mine. The deacons also spoke to me.

I admitted to having sex with her, but when I told them the date we had sex, the two deacons said that the child can't be mine because the date that the girl gave was not the same.

When they checked with her again, she changed the date. I was sure that she was not carrying my child.

The girl admitted to me that it was her boss who got her pregnant, but she could not tell her mother or the church the truth. She begged me not to say anything to anybody.

The church told me that I had to step down from teaching Sunday school and from the young people's choir because I fornicated. I had no choice.

They told me not to leave the church, but I was embarrassed. I started to visit another church. The young woman did not go back either, but she has returned now.

The father of the child supports the child quietly, but the members of the church don't know that the child belongs to her boss.

I would like to get married. I still love this girl. She told me that she loves me, too, and that the affair with the child's father ended long ago.

The child does not carry the man's name. This girl is very beautiful.

I would like to rededicate my life to the Lord. I spoke to a pastor, but I did not tell him that I want to get married to the same girl.

My uncle told me that people are going to say that I was the one who got the girl pregnant, but if I love her I should marry her.

I have forgiven her. I don't know her to have other guys, although I know it is not a good thing for a man to fully trust a woman.

She is still working with the same company, but not directly with the man who got her pregnant.

I had a relationship with another woman, but she could be my mother. She is encouraging me to settle down, but she is too old for me.

I am writing you for your advice. Please answer my letter.

C. P.

Dear C. P.,

If you are still in love with this young woman and in your heart you have forgiven her for what happened, and you are very sure that she still loves you, that she has not been involved with other man, and that the relationship she had with her boss is over, don't allow anyone to discourage you from getting married to her. Follow your heart.

Perhaps after you have gotten married, both of you may wish to change the child's last name to your name. That is something you can seek advice on.

Your uncle is right. Regardless of what happens, people are going to talk. But you do not have to try to please people.

Do not get married if you are not fully ready to do so. But if you believe it is time to tie the knot, end the relationship with the woman who is much older than you and move forward.

I would further suggest that you and this young woman go through a series of premarital counselling with a counsellor before you tie the knot.


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