Me and my pastor boyfriend tried sex 3 times


August 13, 2016

Dear Pastor

I need you advice. I am with this pastor guy for about three years now. Our relationship has been on and off. We have never had sex, but we attempted it three times. Whenever we are having a problem, we would call a truce. He or I would say, "Let's just stop what we are doing." Whenever we are alone, feelings start to show. Since lately, we have stopped talking again, and I am now having sexual feelings for him. I know that what I am doing is wrong, and I just need help in praying for these feelings to stop.


Dear R.W.,

You will always have sexual feelings and sexual urges. That comes on to every normal individual. On many occasions, women have told me that they have prayed that God will remove such feelings from them because they do not want to sin, but in spite of their prayers these feelings have not gone away, and they wouldn't because it is natural for them to experience sexual urges, etc. It is not a sin to have these feelings. How you react to these urges might be sinful.

This young man and you have been dating, and from the tone of your letter, you spend much time alone and the temptation to have sex was very strong. But both of you should be commended for not yielding to the temptation. You said that you attempted to have sex three times. I don't understand what you mean by you attempted, so I would leave that alone. There is a famous hymn in the Sacred Songs And Solos hymn book. The hymnal is commonly called the Sanky. This famous hymn says:

"Yield not to temptation, for yielding is sin;

Each vict'ry will help you some other to win;

Fight manfully onward, dark passions subdue;

Look ever to Jesus, He'll carry you through.


Ask the Saviour to help you,

Comfort, strengthen, and keep you;

He is willing to aid you,

He will carry you through.

Shun evil companions, bad language disdain,

God's name hold in rev'rence, nor take it in vain;

Be thoughtful and earnest, kindhearted and true;

Look ever to Jesus, He'll carry you through.

To him that o'ercometh, God giveth a crown,

Through faith we will conquer, though often cast down;

He who is our Saviour, our strength will renew;

Look ever to Jesus, He'll carry you through."

What I would like to say to you is that the temptation to have sex is strong. Your boyfriend and you should try to avoid being in areas where you may be tempted to do wrong. This young man and you need to decide the way forward. If both of you are serious with each other, you need to go and see a family counsellor who would give you some guidance and perhaps both of you should plan to get married. The Good Lord can help both of you from falling into sin. So continue to pray and don't condemn yourself.


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