My husband hides his business affairs from me


August 15, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I don't know what you will say about this, but I am seeking your advice. I am 37 years old and I am married, but this man is my second husband. My first husband divorced me and I got married for the second time. My husband is 65 years old. He is sexually very active. He has two daughters and they are the ones who know all his business.

Before we got married, he used to tell me that I will know more about him after we are married. He is Jamaican, but he lived and worked in America for many years. His children are Americans. I married this man because I thought I loved him, and I thought also that he would take good care of me. He has a home in America and a home in Jamaica. We live in the house he has in Jamaica. I have three children for my ex-husband. These children are no bother to him. One of them lives with us and the others with their father. I have never seen a man like this man.

My name is not in his bank book. He has his daughters' name in them. Their names are also on the titles of his houses. I asked him what would happen to me if anything should happen to him and he said I should not question him about that; I will be taken care of.

When the daughters come to Jamaica, they are very nice to me. They bring me gifts and their father takes them around. I am only unhappy because of the way he is keeping me in the dark. I don't know anything about his business. He took out an insurance policy on his life when we got married and I am the beneficiary. I asked him to take out one for me. He promised to do so, but up to now he hasn't.

When he gives me money to go to the supermarket or to the market, I have to pinch a little of it to help my daughter who is living with us. If my daughter needs a pair of shoes and I ask him, he will give it to her, but he will always say that she is not his responsibility and he is doing more than his part by giving her shelter and food. He has investments in Jamaica, but my name is not on any of them.

Do you think that is right, pastor? He does not treat me badly. I am not hungry, but I would like to know more about his business. He tells me that he trusts me, but he does not show it.

D. S.

Dear D. S.,

I believe that this man is a good man and you have given that as a reason for marrying him. You saw him as a responsible man. And rightly so; you believed that he would give you a sense of security. You say that you love him and that love hasn't changed. You are concerned because you feel that you do not know enough about him. He hasn't informed you about his investments. He owns properties and the names of his children are on the titles. Frankly, I do not think you need to worry. You are his wife and you have rights and a lawyer can help you to understand what your rights are.

Sometimes when a man marries a woman who was married before and has children, he is very cautious about what he does. He may feel that the woman might have married him to get what he has. I am not saying that it is true about your husband. I am just making a general statement. That is why some adult children do not encourage their fathers to remarry. However, a good man would take care of his wife and her welfare by making a will and sometimes by purchasing for her another property. He would see to it that she is never left in the cold, so to speak.

Please do not push your husband to tell you everything about his business. He might become angry and suspicious of you. You may raise certain topics with him occasionally. You may even encourage him to buy you an apartment or a town house, if he is in a position to do so. But don't give him the impression that you want what he has, because he might believe that you might want to see him dead so that you can get a part of his assets.

Perhaps he is not saying much about himself to you because he feels that you would use his money to help your children. And the very thought of that may cause him not to divulge much information to you. Enjoy your married life with this man. Everything is going to be all right. You may go to a lawyer and find out what are your legal rights within the marriage. But you should not let him know that you have checked that out. Right now, I do not believe that you have anything to fear.


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