Should I go back to my ex?


August 17, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column, you are a blessing.

I left my 25-year-old boyfriend for a 52-year-old man. I am 21 and I am now confused because my ex-boyfriend wants me to come back to him and I don't know if I should go back.

When I met the 52-year-old, he told me he was 44 and was married once, in 1998. I found out later that he is really 52 and he was married in 2008.

He told me the reason why he lied to me was because he knew I wasn't going to be interested in him if he had told me the truth. We talked about it and I forgave him.

He is living with his mom, sister and her husband and three kids. It's a big house and he has his own room. I am not comfortable because the mother and the sister are miserable and 'stay bad'.

I talked to him about it and he said he would leave and rent a house. But he said that he is waiting on some money from the bank to rent the house and buy some stuff because his ex-girlfriend took everything, as they were bought in her name. She got everything, including the house because it was on her land.

The money that he is waiting on should come through at the end of July and up to now, we are still here. I asked him about it and he said the money is in his father's name and when his father went to the bank they said that it was not ready and they will inform him when it is.

I can't take a next lie, so I hope he is telling the truth. He treats me so well, but I was happier with my ex-boyfriend.

We had some fun times together, but he is too jealous and disrespectful.

The reason why I left him was because he didn't want me to work. At the same time, he couldn't get a good job to take care of the bills, food, etc, for the house. He had to depend on his family most of the time.

Sometimes I didn't have anything to eat. So one day I left without his consent to work; that's how I met this man.

I think I might still have feelings for my ex and I think my man is lying. I don't know if I should go back or not. Please help me, Pastor. I beg of you.


Dear L.S.,

Your present man was not honest and straightforward to you. The relationship started out on a very bad premise. It was lies from the very start, so now, even if he is speaking the truth, you should take what he says with a pinch of salt, bearing in mind that he is not truthful.

After he was married and the marriage broke up, he had a relationship with a young woman and she moved out on him and left him on the floor.

She must have had very good reasons for doing so. He told you that she took the furniture because they were bought in her name. Perhaps he could have added she bought them with her money.

So at the age of 52, he is back in his parents' home squeezing up in one bedroom. He has no pride at all and you shouldn't be sleeping there with him.

What he told you about the money and the bank seems far-fetched. I don't think you should believe a word he says about this money. If he is expecting money, why is it in his father's name? And why can't he and the father go for the money?

Girl, don't make this man make a fool of you.

Concerning your ex- boyfriend and the feelings that you have for him, if he has pride, he wouldn't take you back.

You need to be in the cold for a little while until you come to yourself and realise that some men are just users. You should try and get yourself a job and pay your own bills.


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