Can't trust him after I caught him cheating


September 10, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old and I have a good job. I am married to a 25-year-old man. We have been married for only one year and we get along very well, but I found out that he is still seeing one of his former girlfriends, who is living in an apartment alone.

I approached the girl and asked her if she knew that he is married and she said yes, but she still likes him and he keeps coming back to her. She told me that he was the first man to have sex with her, and the second man she had sex with disappointed her. She said when my husband saw her, he threatened that if she continues to have sex with this guy, he would do her something bad, so she can't stop having sex with my husband.


She told me that she was not the one for me to talk to, I should talk to my husband. My husband says that the girl is lying and that they don't have anything going. One night I was at home with my son. My husband is not the father of my son, and the girl called me and asked me where my husband was. I told her that he was not at home as yet. She said that she knew that he is not at home because he is with her, and if I don't believe her, I could come to such and such a place and I would see him. I did not believe her, but I said that I would go.

I waited for about an hour hoping that my husband would come home, and when he did not come, I went to the address and I saw his car. I knocked on the door and it was my husband who answered. The young woman came to the door only in her underwear. I pushed and went in and saw my husband only in his underwear. He was shocked to see me and the young woman kept laughing. He put on his trousers and I demanded that he should come home with me. When he was putting on his pants, he cursed the girl and asked her for the money he had given to her that night. He told her that she had screwed him up. Pastor, it is hard to trust this man. I love him and my son love and respect him, but at my age I don't see why I should be having problems with a man. I don't know what to do.

I. T.

Dear I. T.,

Your husband denies that he was having an affair with another woman. You found out the girl's name and how to contact her. It is either that this girl wanted to do something that would cause him to leave you, his wife, and come totally to her or to prove to you that she was not lying. On the other hand, she probably wanted to end the relationship with him. She enjoyed being with him, but felt she could do better and could not take his threats anymore. Now you have to make a decision.

You know that your husband is a liar. You know that he is still playing around with other women; at least, he has been going to bed with this woman. You are going to have to decide whether you would want to fight for this man to stay with you or you are going to end the relationship. You cannot deny that he is having an affair. You caught him only in his brief and his girlfriend in her panties. That is proof that something was going on that night and that they are having an intimate relationship. Whether or not you are going to continue the relationship, I suggest that both of you go to see a family counsellor for professional help. Don't contact the girl any further. Don't even thank her for informing you that your man was with her that night because you do not know what was her true motive.


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