I don't feel bad about cheating


September 16, 2016

Dear Pastor,

Greetings in the name of Jesus! I know that you will not remember me, but you have preached at my church.

I am now 27 years old and I have never stopped reading your column.

My husband says that you are too serious when you are preaching.

My husband and I have two children. He would like to have more, but I do not want any more children.

He treats me well, but my husband is very sneaky. He has a lot of female friends and I suspect that he is having sex with some of them. He says that he is not.

One night, a girl called his phone and left a message for him. I listened to the message and she was cursing expletives and telling him that she is going to tell his wife about his affair.

He told me that the girl was lying on him and I must stop believing everything I hear.

I called the number, but every time it would cut off. Could it be that he told the girl not to answer and to turn off her phone?

Since that call, he has been extra nice to me. That makes me even more suspicious of him.


After we got that call, I refused to have sex with him. He went and did an HIV test to prove to me that he is not infected.

I know that you are going to be disappointed in me, but I am going to tell you a secret. I have cheated six times on him; three times with my boss and three times with an old schoolmate.

He would never admit to me that he has cheated. I have never told him that I have done so either, but now I want to get baptised.

I want to put my bad ways behind me. Should I wipe the slate clean and tell him what I have done?

I would like for both of us to be baptised together, but he told me he is not ready.

Pastor, what is holding him back? It could only be women. I am not proud of what I have done, but I had enough time to cheat because of his job - he is hardly at home.

Every time I have sex with these guys, we used a condom. I do not know how I would manage because one of them gives me the 'full 100' when we have sex.

If my husband has a child out there, he must take care of him or her, but I can't take him or her into our house.

I was sorry for what I did, but I don't feel sorry anymore. When I first cheated on my husband I felt sorry, but not again, because I believe he is cheating too.

I want to be a better wife and a good Christian. That is why I want to be baptised.


Dear W.N.,

I wish I had the courage to tell you to inform your husband that he is not the only one who is cheating and that you are as guilty of doing the same thing. But I will not take that risk.

I would be a crazy man if I suggest that you tell him what you are doing.

What I want to do is to encourage you to come to your senses and stop having sex with other men.

You have been pretending that you are a good wife and you know that you are not, but you want your husband to walk as a saint.

He knows he is not a saint, but he believes that you are. You have been successful in fooling him, but now your conscience is bothering you.


Baptism means that you are dead of the things of the world. You are giving up carnality and you are walking as a new person because you have had an experience with your Saviour.

Tell these men that you cannot go further with them. Encourage your husband to come to church. Don't harass him anymore. If you have a lot of time on your hand, you can go to school part-time; that will help to occupy your time and mind.

If your husband is lacking in doing the things you like sexually, tell him what they are. Learn to stick with him only.


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