Mom wants me to find a different girlfriend


September 22, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am not a good writer, but I am having a problem. I am only 19 years old and I have a girlfriend. She does not live far from me. My older brother has a child with this girl's sister and when my mother heard that she and I were friends, my mother told me that I should find another girlfriend because two of her children shouldn't be involved with two girls from the same family. I told this girl what my mother said and she cried. She said that this was the second time she has fallen in love and the relationship was not going anywhere.

My brother told me that he believes that I should go ahead and friend the girl because he does not see anything wrong with it. We could be one big, royal family. I love my mother, but I also love my girlfriend, and every time I get money I help her. She is doing over some subjects. I told her that I will still help her, but she should look for a new boyfriend.

We went out on Emancipation Day. She did not want to go home that night, so we walked around and we found a place where we had sex; it felt so good. Now I feel like I can't leave her. I don't want her to get pregnant like her sister. I don't want my mother to know that we are still seeing each other, but I don't want to hurt her. I trust my mother, although I really don't understand why my brother can't have one sister and I have the other. What is really wrong with that?


Dear H.P.,

Your mother is discouraging you from building an intimate relationship with this young woman who is the sister of your brother's babymother. She believes that it is not right. I know that there are many people who will agree with your mother. She would prefer to see her sons with women who are not so closely related. It is a matter of preference and one cannot say it is morally wrong. I wouldn't condemn such a relationship, but I wouldn't really encourage it, either. I have a good friend who is from India and he told me that his family practises arranged marriages. They all get along fine because it is accepted in their culture, but that is not encouraged in the Caribbean.

As a counsellor, I have observed that when brothers have children with two sisters of the same family, family members are embarrassed about it and they do not like when the children use their last names when they meet at wedding or at family reunions, etc.

I don't doubt that you love this girl dearly and that she loves you, but don't ignore the advice of your mother. That is all I have to say. It's not nice to be having sex with this young girl, because anything can happen.


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