Should I marry an older woman?

by

September 24, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old and my woman is 41. She does not look her age. She has never had children. She is my neighbour and her house is just three houses away from ours. When I started visiting her, my mother was worried but my father told her to leave me alone because I have ambition.

I grew up in church and she, too, is a church person, but one Saturday after she cooked and called me to eat with her, we ended up in bed and I had sex for the first time in my life. She did not believe that I was still a virgin; she laughed and called me a boy. From that day I go to her house every Saturday for soup.

I don't have much because I assisted my parents to build a house. This woman lives in her own house and she is independent. I never thought that I would be in love with someone who is older than I am. She told me I am the second boyfriend she has had. Her first boyfriend promised to marry her but he left for New York. He came back and visited her, and that went on for five years, then one day he called her and told her to move on with her life because he has got a girl pregnant and will have to marry her.

She wants me to get her pregnant, so when we are having sex we do not use protection. I am scared because I am younger than her. What would happen to our marriage if she doesn't get pregnant? She said we will cross that bridge if that should ever happen. My father, my brothers and sisters told me that I should not waste time and that I should marry her before the year is out. That is why I am writing you for your advice.

O.C.

Dear O.C.,

I suggest that you follow the advice of your father. Get married to this woman. Don't let her age bother you. Her former boyfriend let her down. He did not keep his promise to come back to Jamaica and marry her; he got another woman pregnant instead. If you love her, marry her!

I can see why she is eager to have a child. She is over 40 years old and she believes that soon it will be very risky for her to have a child. So I further suggest that both of you discuss this matter again and then call a family counsellor and make arrangement to meet with him for premarital counselling. Discuss whatever concerns you may have and then set marriage plans.

Pastor

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