I can't hide my jealousy


October 03, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old and I am engaged to be married. I am from a large family. There are 10 of us. My father is 70 and is still working. My mother never worked out. She was a stay-at-home mom.

My father loved her so much. My mother was very jealous. My father had lots of female friends. She would not fuss when the women are around, but as soon as they were gone, she would fuss with my father and he would tell her to "cool it" because he wasn't doing anything wrong.

My boyfriend is just like my father. All my friends love him. When we go to functions they are all over him, and if I say anything to him when we go home he curses me. I feel like I am going to lose him.

He is a good dancer and everybody wants to dance with him. I asked him if he cheated on me and, he said yes, he did it in his mind, but he had not physically done so. Girls have come on to him, but he said he has never had sex with them; only in his mind.

But what I want to know is, if a man feels like cheating what will prevent him from doing so? I feel embarrassed because I can't hide my jealousy. He has warned me that if I don't change, he would leave me. I have stopped going to his office because whenever I go there and his secretary is whispering to him, I wonder why she has to whisper and what she is saying to him. I was careless with my first boyfriend and I lost him to another woman. I don't want that to happen to me again. Please help me.


Dear Unnamed,

Some people excuse jealous person by saying that everybody is jealous and by that they mean that if they love a person, there must be some feeling of uneasiness if that person is showing interest in another or if that person is very close and spending time with someone else. A man or woman can be accused of flirting, but they are not intimate. They may cause their significant other to feel jealous.

A good relationship has to be built on respect, trust and communications. If the relationship is based on these attributes, there will be no need for jealousy. You are destroying your relationship and if you do not exercise restraint, your boyfriend is going to leave you. You have to learn to deal with yourself. Right now, you think that your boyfriend is the problem, but the problem really is you. I believe that you need to go and seek professional help. Make an appointment to see a family counsellor as soon as possible.


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