Not feeling for sex since having an abortion


October 18, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a long time and I have learnt a lot from it.

I am 21 and attending university. I had a boyfriend for two years. We went out camping, and we strayed and found a private place. We had a little sex and rejoined our group before we could be missed.

We didn't use a condom as we didn't have much time, it was just a little quickie. My boyfriend said he would have pulled out.

He lapped me around his waist and when he was discharging he told me he was climaxing, but he could not pull out.

We were hoping that nothing would go wrong, like me getting pregnant. It was like he knew something would go wrong because every day he called me, asking if I saw my period.

My period did not come and I waited two weeks after the date it should have, and nothing happened. I suspected that I got caught. I did a pregnancy test and the news was not good. I knew I was in trouble.

I went to the doctor and the doctor told me that I was pregnant. I did an abortion because I could not carry the baby.


We are young people who others look up to. His father is well known and I don't want any illegitimate child; it would have affected my work at school and my family.

Sometimes when I am alone, I cry. If I had not strayed away from the group, we would not have had unprotected sex because we always used a condom when we had sex.

Looking back, I feel so sorry for what I did. Something else is bothering me because it seems that since this has happened, my boyfriend has been talking to another girl.

When I asked him why, he said I am pushing him away. I am not pushing him away, Pastor, but if he hadn't held me in that position while we had sex, I could have pushed him away.

I love my boyfriend. He is a good help to me, but since I had the abortion, we have not had sex. I just can't seem to come to it. He just can't understand.

I feel like he is using my problem as an excuse to go out with another woman. Do you agree with me, Pastor?

C. L.

Dear C.L.,

First of all, I am glad that you are studying at university and I want to wish you well. Try your very best to concentrate on your schoolwork.

I gather from what you have said that doing an abortion has affected you in a negative way. You have to learn to deal with this matter.

You would have to always remember that there is nothing you can do now to bring back the pregnancy.

It does not make any sense to blame the guy or yourself. You did not want to be pregnant; however, your boyfriend and you became very careless.

When you should have stayed with the group at camp, you went off on your own to spend some time with each other.

You knew very well that there was always a big risk in having unprotected sex. Your boyfriend should have also known that the withdrawal method does not always work. It is one of the riskiest methods of birth control.

He convinced you that nothing would go wrong because he would withdraw, but when the time came for him to do so, he couldn't.

Both of you did not exercise caution. You felt that you should have had an abortion, and that is what you did.

Now the thought of having the abortion is tormenting you.

This man is not making it easy for you as you go through the healing process because he is dating another woman. Surely, he should know that by dating another woman he is causing you to fret.


You are still going through the healing process. It is the healing of the body, soul and spirit, so to speak. He should not date another woman if he truly cares about you.

If you believe that there is a future with him, make sure that you are in touch with him every week, but do not allow him to prevent you from passing every subject at school.

Both of you should not ignore each other. If he said that there is nothing intimate between the girl and himself, believe him. Don't accuse him of lying. Although you should not ignore him, put your university work first.


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