My boyfriend called his ex-girl's name during sex


October 25, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and living with my boyfriend, who is 39. I did not get all my subjects.

I got involved with this man and I left my parents' home and moved in with him. He has one son. The mother of the child took him away when she was going to the States.

He said he did not know that she was going to be staying because she did not give him the impression that she was leaving him.

He knew she was going to America, but he thought it was for a short period. They never had an argument.

Sometimes she would be on the phone for long periods of time, but he did not know that she had a man in America.

Now she is living with the man. She left the house and all her clothes so that he would not suspect anything. Even her underwear were left behind.

He said that when she landed in America, she called him and informed him that she is not coming back, but she was afraid to tell him before she left because he would try to stop her.

She sent her sister to collect all her clothes and he allowed her to take all of them.


When I am talking to him, he does not say much. This man does not trust women anymore. He told her to send the child to spend some time with him, but she has refused.

When we are in bed and making love, he calls her name. You can see that she is still on his mind.

This guy wants me to have a child, but I am too young. I am not ready.

He told me if I get pregnant for him, he would marry me because he is in his 30s and he wants to leave his seed behind when he is dead.

I reminded him that he has a son already, but he wants to have one with me. I want to give him a child, but not now.

He takes very good care of me. Some people think that we are brother and sister. They say we resemble each other, but he is my boyfriend and nothing more.

How can I get him to trust me and not judge me by what his child's mother has done?


Dear P.T.,

I can understand how you feel. You are grateful for this man's assistance. But at the same time, this man has not got over what his child's mother did to him.

She gave him the impression that all was well, but at the same time she was planning to leave him, permanently.

She cleverly planned her departure and took their son with her.

It is going to take this man a long time to trust women and to overcome what his child's mother has done to him. You have to be patient with him. So trusting you is a big issue. If he does not trust you, why is he so eager for you to become pregnant?

Even if you were to become pregnant now, the child cannot substitute his first child. He or she will never take his place.

He may feel better, and not as empty as he is feeling now, but one child can never take the place of another.

This man would eventually get over what his babymother has done to him.

You heard him call her name when both of you were making love. I would not print what he actually said during that period. Don't hold that against him.

You know that you do not want a child now; your focus is on getting an education. If it comes to the place where you have to agree to have a child or leave, I would suggest that you get a job and leave his house; rent a place and learn to pay your bills.


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