I am 19 and have three boyfriends

by

October 26, 2016

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I must commend you on the good work you are doing.

I am just 19 years old, but I have found myself with three boyfriends. I did not know that this would ever happen to me.

I live with my father. He and my mother broke up from I was 16. My father does not work. He does a little farming, but he never has money.

When my mother left the house we never heard from her for a year. When I found my mother and asked her why she did not call me, she said that she was afraid that I would give my father her number and he would find her.

From I became 16 years old, my father said I was a big woman, and my mother was 16 when he met her, so I should learn to help myself.

I was going to school and I started to look a man. This guy was a hustler on the road. He used to sell bag juice and chips, and so on.

After we were together for a week it was sex time. He forced me to do it with him. He couldn't give me more than a $1,000 or $2,000 because he had two babymothers. I said to myself, all right, I would keep him and look another man.

I used to walk with my nice clothes in my bag when I was going to school. After school I went to a certain restaurant, changed and put my uniform in my bag.

GOING OUT WITH A MARRIED MAN

I started going out with a married man and every week he gave me $5,000. From that I bought things to take care of myself, and bought food for the house to help my father.

My father asked me where I got money from and I told him I had a boyfriend. He told me that I am his only daughter so I should not get pregnant. I did not tell him the man was married.

I got pregnant, but I didn't know which man got me pregnant. I had sex a few times with my teacher. It was a good thing I had a miscarriage because I did not know which of the men got me pregnant.

From that happened to me, all the guys who are having sex with me used a condom.

The married man is very jealous of me. But it is not all the time I can see him because he travels a lot.

I love all these guys, but I prefer the married man and I don't want to leave him. I know his wife and his daughter, but they don't know me.

The guy who sells on the street still gives me money.

I am out of school now. My boyfriend, who is married plans to get me a job.

V.R.

Dear V.R.,

You come from a dysfunctional family. Your mother must have had good reasons for leaving the house and leaving you, a teenager, behind with your father.

Your father seems to be a very poor man. He could hardly help himself. He told you that he was unable to support you. He did not assure you of his support in any way; instead, he encouraged you to fend for yourself. Not by looking a job, but finding a man who will help you.

You ended up having three men at the same time and receiving money from all of them. It was amazing that you were having unprotected sex with others, exposing yourself to STIs, including HIV and AIDS.

I do not want you to feel that I am condemning you. I believe that your parents were irresponsible.

NOT A GOOD MAN

Your father was not a good man. He was irresponsible. He should not have encouraged you to go out and to literally sell yourself. I know that you are not proud of yourself.

You have not said how many passes you got. What I want to urge you to do is to go back to school and to stop feeling that you are at the mercy of these men. And if you do not do what they want you to do, you will starve.

If you were to get an education or a skill, you would be able to support yourself. What you are doing is one step in practising prostitution. You have three men in your life but that is not the way a young girl should live.

This married man has promised to get you a job. I hope he will keep his word. But I also want you to see that there is no future with him. So I cannot encourage you to continue this relationship.

Pastor

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