My boyfriend had an affair with my cousin


October 27, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I had an experience I would like to tell you about.

I am 21 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 23. He and his brother live together, but his brother is hardly at home. He spends most of his time with his girlfriend, who is pregnant.

My boyfriend got me very scared. I was lying down on the bed in the nude when he opened his draw and took out two pieces of rope. I asked him whether he was going to strangle me; he laughed and said no, he just wanted to play.

He tied my hands to the bed head and spread me out and started to do some crazy things. I felt so helpless, but I loved what he was doing to me. No man had ever done that to me before. I asked him what if something should happen and I need to run. He said nothing would happen because he was there to protect me.

Every part of my body trembled. When he was finished with me, he loosened me and said it was my time to tie him up.

I tied him up and did what he did to me and when he wanted me to loosen him, I told him not until he confessed whether he had an affair with my cousin.

When he wouldn't talk, I pretended that I would leave him tied up. I started to put on my clothes and pretended I was leaving. He told me everything, including some things I did not know.

I released him and told him that I had to go. When I heard that he was having an affair with my cousin, I don't feel good about it.

He should not have had sex with my cousin. He said when he asked her, he didn't know she was going to give him.

Every day he calls me and asks me to forgive him. I don't know what to do. Please help me.


Dear Y.L.,

This man and you had fun after you went through your initial fear that he was going to strangle you.

What you did to him was something he did not expect. You had him at the place where he had to confess that he had a sexual encounter with your cousin. And after he spoke the truth, your evening with him was spoiled.

Now you know that although both of you have been intimate friends, he had sex with your cousin.

She said it wasn't true, but you now have good reason that he was speaking the truth. The question is: what are you going to do about the relationship? It does not appear to me that it was a one-night stand, it was more than that.

Can you ever trust this man? If you think you can, and in your heart you believe that you can forgive him, both of you need to go and see a family counsellor and discuss the issue.

I don't believe that he has told you the whole truth. I say that because he is putting the blame on your cousin. That is what men do when they are caught. They always blame the women. He said that it was your cousin who gave herself to him. A real man does not do that. Tell him that you are interested to go for counselling and ask him whether he is interested or not.


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