My boyfriend thinks I don't trust him


November 04, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I have three children and I was married. My husband died three years ago.

I have a boyfriend, but I do not intend to get married until my two daughters are grown. My boyfriend says that I do not trust him. It is not that I do not trust him, but I am not a risk-taker.

He doesn't live with us. He has his own home. He is eager for us to get married, but I am not. His mother lives with him, so if we were to get married he would have to live with us because I told him that I am not living with a mother-in-law.

I have two daughters. One is 16 and the other 18. I have a girlfriend, and her boyfriend had sex with one of her daughters. She almost went crazy because the girl was 16 and she caught them having sex, and the man blamed the girl and said that she was the one who was always 'putting it in his way'.

I promised my girls that I will never bring a man into the house until they are old enough to fight and defend themselves if a stepfather should put any question to them.

My boyfriend said that I am overprotective of my children and he respects me and will never touch my girl children.

Pastor, there are times when I really need a man and he is not here. I respect my children, so I do not encourage him to come over even when I feel for him. When we have sex, the children, are not around. Sometimes when I talk about marriage, my son says to me, "What marriage good for?"

My home is paid for. My husband left us comfortable. He would turn in his grave if a man should touch his children.

I told my boyfriend that he can leave me if he cannot wait until my children are grown. I am a little suspicious of him. I feel he may be after my house, which is much nicer than where he is living with his mother. Please advise me.


Dear N.F.,

Regardless of what this man may say, you are to use common sense. Don't allow him to force you into doing what you do not want to do.

When you are fully satisfied that it is time for you to get married, accept this man's proposal, but not before. Let him know that you are not taking any risk at all with your girl children and a stepfather, and that your stance does not mean you do not trust him, but you prefer to be on the side of caution.

If the time comes for you to remarry, seek the advice of a lawyer. No man should inherit what your former husband has left for the children and you.


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