My relationship is going nowhere


November 10, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I am a bad woman. I keep looking for Mr Right in all the wrong places. I am tired of trying now. I love my child with all my heart and want to see her happy and when she is with her father and me, she is very happy. We make good parents. My child is three years old and I am now living with him. I am so unhappy, and not in love with him anymore and what makes it worse, I am thinking that he feels the same way. I think that the only reason that we are together is because of our child.


This man and I have been together for the past eight years now and I do not see the relationship going anywhere. It is my dream to get married and go into my church with my family, but, pastor, this man doesn't believe in marriage. He says that "the Bible says that you should take a woman and call her your wife."

Pastor, this man was always cheating on me. It used to hurt so bad, I would cry so many times, and after all that, I still stayed with him. I used to love him until it hurt to love him.

So I decided not to care anymore. I started having different relationships, nothing sexual, but I was looking for my husband. I am always picking the wrong guys to talk to. All of them are either with someone or married or are too crazy for me. I want something serious. And now my child's father is saying that he is a changed man and doesn't want to run around anymore because all the girls are after his money. But pastor, I don't feel like I like him anymore. I don't know what to do any more.

Please help me. Should I move on with my life or make my child happy by staying with this man? I do not believe that I can ever love him the same way that I did at first?


Dear S.K.,

You cannot force a man to love you, neither can you force yourself to love this man. Evidently he has taken you for granted for a long time, but he is aware that you are fed up and that you are looking for much more out of life than what you are presently receiving. You want to get married, but he is not interested. When he is talking about marriage, he is displaying ignorance.

You will have to decide whether you wish to stay with him and tolerate his very bad behaviour or move on. You may suggest to him that both of you go to see a family counsellor. If he is not interested, you should leave him. Your child will grow up and will understand why the relationship between the both of you broke up.

I should warn you, do not continue to live with him and become intimate with another man. That would not be a good thing to do. I wish you well.


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