Caught my wife in bed with our neighbour


November 16, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column, and you put me to bed at nights. I am a married man, but my wife and I are separated. We were married for 20 years, but one day I came home unexpectedly and caught her having sex with my neighbour. This neighbour and I got along very well.

I do farming in the country, and when I reap my produce I share it with his family. His children called me uncle. We all attend the same church. Sometimes we even go out together.

I did not know my wife was involved with this man. I saw no sign of it. When I came home that day, I saw his car in our yard, but that is not unusual because he also owns a pickup and his driver takes him out in it.

When I drove in, my wife did not hear me. Because I was coming from the farm, I went around the back and it was unlocked. When I went in, my wife still did not hear me. When I called her, I saw when my neighbour dash from the bedroom naked. I went in the bedroom and my wife was trying to cover herself.


I asked her what was going on, and she could not talk. I called the man out and told him that he didn't have to worry and that I would give her time to pack her clothes. He told me that I should not hold it against him.

It happened six months ago and I have not told a soul what happened. My wife is begging me every day for forgiveness. This is not what I expected of her.

We have three children and they are all living abroad. My wife and I have been together for 25 years, but we have been married for 20. I have not told my kids anything, but I know I must because although we are living in the same house, we are separated. I would like to get your opinion.

F. M.

Dear F.M.,

I wish you had said what reason this woman gave to you for her cheating. Is it that you have not paid her much attention? Is it lack of money from you? Is it that you are suffering from erectile dysfunction? Is it that you can't satisfy her in bed? What is it?

So, now, let me ask you some more questions: How long do you expect to live under this condition? Do you think that you can come to the place where you can forgive your wife? What about seeking professional help?

Would you shame her and cause your children to be unhappy if you were to bring an end to the marriage? It is a lot to think about.

Right now, both of you are in the same house and the public doesn't know what you are going through. I wish it can remain that way. The neighbour, who has helped to destroy your marriage, is living with his wife. Would you wish to destroy his relationship by telling his wife what he did?

I wish I had the perfect answer for you. Therefore, I would say to you to make an appointment for your wife and you to see a family counsellor.

She wants to stay in the marriage, therefore, she would not object seeing him/her.


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