Don't like my daughter's boyfriend


November 22, 2016
A father playing with his two children.

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I have a daughter. She is 24. She is a good girl, very respectful to me. Her mother died when she was 13 years old and it took me two years to get married again.

This little girl, at 13, got up early on weekends and washed my clothes and took care of the house and cooked. Her brother was only eight years old. He couldn't do much, but he helped where he could.

I worked hard to send my daughter through school - from primary school, to college. Today, I am a proud man. When I found another woman, I spoke to my daughter and my son, too, but mostly to my daughter, and she approved the woman before I got married to her.

Now, Pastor, my daughter has a boyfriend. He wants her to live with him, and she told him no, they should get married first. The other thing he wants her to do is to agree to get pregnant before they get married.

I can't believe that he would pressure her to allow him to get her pregnant. H e says that he is a Christian. My daughter is a Christian, too - a real one.


This young man has a child with another girl. He did not marry her. He said that it was a mistake when he got her pregnant because he didn't love her. I told my daughter to leave him, but she loves him. I am afraid to get further involved. She told me what the problem is, but he has not said anything to me.

Do you think that I should approach him whenever he comes around? I don't want to upset my daughter. She does not want to have a child before she is married. Why do you think this young man is pushing her to do so?


Dear E.R.,

I must begin by telling you that you have done well. You have been a good father. You love your children and you have tried to give them a good environment in which to grow up. Your daughter loves you.

Your daughter has found herself a man, but it is questionable whether this relationship would work because this young man wants to have his way.

She ought to stand her ground, so to speak, and he has to learn to respect her position. He wants to get her pregnant before they are married, and she is not interested in getting pregnant.

He ought to respect how she feels. He should not try to get her to change her position because she would not be happy.

Frankly, I would suggest that you tell your daughter your plans to approach her boyfriend and tell him that he needs to respect the position she has taken and that you are concerned about her.

It is not that you want to meddle, but you are concerned about your daughter's happiness. If he loves her then, he should learn from early that being a man does not mean that his woman has to agree to everything he says.

Make sure you do not say anything to her boyfriend before you let her know what you intend to do.


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