Should I ask him if he has HIV?


November 23, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am dating a man. We have never had sex but I see him very often.

I have a child and what the father is giving me is not enough, so this guy gives me money to help me support my child.

My child's father has a good job, but his mother told me that he has another girlfriend, so I should not put my heart on him. This guy who is helping me does not have any children.

I do not know what to do now, Pastor. I have a very good friend and she knows him, and she told me to be careful because she was told that this man is HIV-positive.

I was shocked when she said that to me. I don't know whether I should ask him about it. He takes my child to school and we get along, but he has never asked me for sex.

I don't know what to do, Pastor, that is why I am asking you for your advice. I don't want to run him away. I don't know how he would take it.

It is over a year now both of us are friends and we have never talked about these things. Do you think I should raise the matter of sex with him? Please let me hear from you.


Dear K.K.

The relationship that you have with this man is over a year old. You have not said that you love him, but I can see that you appreciate him very much and you are grateful to him for the help he has given you.

Your girlfriend has given you some information that makes you very concerned. She said that this man is HIV-positive. She knows him, but does she know him well?

The question is how did she find out that he is HIV-positive? Perhaps that is a silly question for me to ask because something like that can be known through medical centres and other institutions.

I believe that you should cautiously ask him whether he has done an HIV test and see how he would respond. If you were to ask him whether he has taken such a test, you would expect him to speak the truth, and whether he says yes or no, you should then ask him if he is HIV-positive.

If he admits that he is HIV- positive, you may tell him that both of you can remain friends, but you would not be intimate with him.

Some women may take the risk and use the condom. I am afraid I am not prepared to tell you to do so. However, you may wish to discuss this matter with a medical practitioner if you are determined to have sex with him.


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