I found condoms in my husband's pocket
I have been married for almost a year now and I love my husband very much. There is something, though, that bothers me a bit. Before we got married, I knew him for three years. Everything ran smoothly.
We have had little disagreements, but we managed to sort them out fine and moved on. All of a sudden, he started texting and calling this girl he claimed to be his friend from childhood because they went to the same church.
My problem is that she is always wanting him to follow her to places and assist her with things her own man can do. And being the friendly and helpful person my husband is, he always helps - even financially.
We almost got separated because of her. I told her not to use him and she claimed she has her own man. She called him and told him what I said, and, of course, he took her side, so it would seem they have something going on.
TOLDME TO LEAVE
He told me to leave his house, which I was going to do peacefully. However, he apologised and we made up. He said he would not let her come between us again. At one point, I even found condoms in his pocket and he confessed that he was going to cheat on me.
I told him to stop communicating with her. He made a big deal of it and argued about it again, so I figured she must really mean something to him. Anyway, he stopped.
Now, he has a lot of new female friends that he would talk to, but he would delete the messages. I really want to trust my husband because I want my marriage to last and we have a daughter together. I would like her to grow up and see us as a happy couple.
I did things in my past that came back to haunt me and he lost trust because of my past. But, Pastor, this is our future, and I want it to be successful. What can I do to be a great wife and to fully trust my husband? At the same time, I am afraid my trust will be broken one day.
Please give me your advice.
Dear C. B.,
I have said in the past that trust cannot be built or rebuilt overnight. Evidently, you are a very jealous person and you do not trust your husband. You are behaving as if every woman he is talking to, he is having an affair with her. If you take that position, you will never be happy.
As I see it, your husband and you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor and both of you should agree to attend sessions. You have issues - not only with your husband, but with yourself.
He has issues, too, and a family counsellor can help you with these concerns.