I want my PhD, he wants a baby


November 28, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 26 years old and my common-law spouse is 27. We have accomplished a lot, having our own home and being in stable employment. However, it seems as if our career goals and family perspective have divided us in our future aspirations.

I am interested in pursuing a PhD, but he is more interested in having a child with me. I am in conflict as doing a PhD will result in us separating for three to four years, which means that he may find someone else in that time.

I am scared that having a baby will put a hold on my dreams, although I know he would be a great father.

What should I do to preserve our relationship? He is a great man, but I fear my ambitions will only disrupt the relationship and partnership we have built for more than six years.


Dear D. B.,

I do not wish to make any suggestion that may cause your relationship to break up. I am not here to break up relationships, although there are times when I am compelled to tell someone it is time to move on. However, your gentleman has to allow you to purse your goals and aspirations.

You are only 26, so apart from the selfishness from your partner, there is no real reason why you should not write for this degree and put getting pregnant on hold.

You need not wonder whether this will cause your man to get involved with another woman and create problems for both of you. Whether or not you are studying, if this man wants to get involved with another woman he will do so, and if you wanted to get involved with another man, you would.

So my suggest-ion to you is to go ahead and work on your PhD.


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