I can't trust my flirting boyfriend

by

November 29, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because in my eyes, my relationship is not going as it should. I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 29. We have been together since I was in ninth grade in high school, and we are living together.

He works in St Ann. However, we see each other on weekends. I'm currently employed in Kingston.

The problem I'm having is that he flirts a lot, and he thinks that I should be okay with his actions. I searched his phone, and I honestly believe that nothing is wrong with that since we have been together for so long. He knows my password as well.

I saw messages that he sent to a girl stating what and what he would like to do to her.

I confronted him about it and he had the nerve to say that he was only talking; he didn't mean what he said. It's more than one female, Pastor, and they do not reside in Jamaica.

Pastor, I can be hard to deal with, and most times I have overlooked things that he has done because no one is perfect. I just feel like our relationship is not growing mainly because we are having the same issues that we started out with, and that shouldn't be the case. We should be way past that now.

He says that he loves me, but regrettably, I don't feel that way. Each time I give him an ounce of my trust, I find out about something that he has done and it plays more on my emotions.

So, if I am ever to meet the right guy, per se, my attitude and everything will push him away.

He wants a child, Pastor, and I do as well. But I grew up knowing that both of my parents were married, and that's what I need as well for my child.

With his behaviour I honestly, don't think I should pursue this any longer.

CHANGED MY PASSWORD

Pastor, he is on leave and I caught him video-calling on my Internet with another girl, so I changed my password so that he no longer has access to it.

He is going to say he waited on me so long till I'm through with what I wanted to do and now I want to leave him. But if he is not acting right, what should I do? He is acting like he is not used to females.

It's like I'm not feeling this relationship anymore and he is not letting me be. I don't have proof to say he is cheating, but he texts other females, leading them on. I cannot continue living like this. Flirting is not OK, but what is your take?

How can I regain trust in this man? Should I discontinue searching his phone?

I'm awaiting your response. Thank you.

F. S.

Dear F. S.

This man is not totally happy with you, neither is he ready to settle down. He is behaving like a player.

Frankly, you are wasting your time with him, and I would urge you to move on. You were wrong to search his phone. It has nothing to do with trust. It is a matter of principle.

A man has no business searching his woman's phone and a woman has no business searching her man's phone.

I don't have much more to say. You should not be careless and allow this man to get you pregnant. He is not a good man. If you do not agree with what I have said, both of you can go to see a family counsellor.

You are 26 years old. You have given this man some of the best years of your life and the relationship is not going anywhere. He should be kicked to the curb.

Pastor

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