My child's father is my cousin


November 29, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and my boyfriend is 39. When I met him and he asked me if I had children, I told him no. I didn't like him at all. That is why I told him I didn't have any children.

I gave him my telephone number and a relationship developed between us. Every day he called me two or three times. Before I went to bed, he would also call me. He told me that he loved me, but I was in a relationship. So we were just phone friends.

When my boyfriend and I broke up, I told him, and we have been meeting and going out on dates. I don't know how to tell him that I lied to him. He still thinks that I do not have children and he talks about getting married to me and having children.

He has one child, but he has not seen the child for over six years because the mother took him away with her to America. He said that he does not know where in America she is. I feel guilty because I know this man loves me.


I don't know if he would believe anything I would say. I spent a whole week with him when he was on holidays. He took me to his parents' house and introduced me as his girlfriend and his mother likes me.

Pastor, I am so confused. I had my first child when I was 17 years old and her father is my cousin. So you see I am afraid to tell this man the truth. My second child's father supports him, but he lives with his grandmother.

I know when he hears the truth that that would be the last of our friendship. Should I leave this guy, or should I tell him and ask him to forgive me for not telling the truth earlier?


Dear S.,

This guy might never trust you again because you lied to him and you have been living a lie for a long time.

You allowed him to take you to meet his parents and they love you and they have accepted you as this man's girlfriend. Why didn't you tell him the truth? Both of you slept together and you kept silent.

When you realised that you were falling in love with him, you could have told him that you had something to tell him but not now. But a few days after, you should have told him that when both of you met, and you told him that you did not have children, that you lied to him because you never knew that the relationship would have come so far, therefore, you would like to come clean.

I suppose that you were hesitant about telling him that you are a mother because the first man to impregnate you was your cousin. But nothing you can say could justify your failure to tell this man that you have two children.


You see, I have been a counsellor for many years and I have had to deal with lying women, women who have not told the truth about the number of children they have. They have fooled men. They have made men look stupid. Sometimes it is after one of their children has got into trouble with the law that the men found out the truth.

Consider yourself fortunate if this man continues having an intimate relationship with you. Please tell him as early as possible because if you don't, he will find out and he will be every angry with you.


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