Dad thinks mom is cheating


December 02, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I am having a problem. My father is a law man. He and my mother are having problems.

They are always arguing over a man who is a friend of my mother. My mother and this man were schoolmates and they were neighbours.

My mother told us that this man and herself were never 'bed friends'. But my father doesn't believe that.

When my father and mother became friends, people told him that she had a boyfriend and mentioned the man's name to him.

She explained everything to my father. The man got married to another woman and my parents also wed. But after many years of marriage, my father still talks about this guy.

My sister and I heard rumbling in my parents' room and we found out that my father and mother were fighting over this same man.

My mother said that she mentioned something to my father when he was talking about the man, who has done very well in business.

He is in a good position at a financial institution. My father told my mother that she could always go to him to get a loan to take us out of problems because he is her old boyfriend.

My mother got angry and replied by telling my father yes and that he was better than my father. My mother told him that because she was tired of him accusing her.

There was a time, Pastor, that we as children never used to hear our parents argue and now my mother is planning to resign and live with her sister in America.

All of us have visas, but we are in college and we don't want our mother to leave. I would like for you to meet with them and talk to them, because they respect you.


Dear N.E.,

I would be willing to meet with your parents. They may call the office to make an appointment with my assistant.

I must warn you all, however, I am not prepared to see them unless they were the ones to call for an appointment for me to see them.

I do not want them to feel that you as children are meddling in their affairs.

Having said the above, let me quickly add. Children who love their parents do not want them to break up unless they sense danger in their parents remaining together.

When I say danger, I mean when they are threatening to kill each other.

It seems to me that your father never believe that your mother and this man were just social friends. Even if they were engaged in having sex, those days are long gone.

However, it does not appear that your father trusts your mother. He is behaving as if he believes that from time to time, your mother and this man are having sex.

He is not using common sense. He is telling her that she is not a good woman. He is being very childish and it is time for him to put what has happened behind him.

Your mother said nothing happened. Only a silly man (and I hate to call your father silly) will always harass his wife her about past relationships.

It is time for him to stop the foolishness. He is running your mother away. And if she should really cheat on him, he may drop dead.


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