I think my husband is cheating


December 09, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I think my husband is cheating on me.

I've known him since I was 17. I eventually got pregnant at 20 and was ready to settle down with my son's father.

He proposed to me and I accepted. I later found out that another woman was pregnant with his child as well. I decided to call off the wedding.

Years later, I met another man. He was 58. He was kind and nice to me. He was living abroad, so we mostly communicated via phone.

In 2009, I received an email from my friend who I had not heard or seen in years. I gave him my number and we stayed in contact.

We started having regular conversations over the phone.

The older man was paying my bills and I would see both of them when the other wasn't around. My older guy was unable to make love to me because he had prostate cancer.

Eventually, I broke off the relationship with the older guy. When my friend came back in November 2014, he moved in with me and he proposed.

He got through on the hotel programme in the US and went away for nine months again.

Everything was going smoothly for awhile, then I noticed some changes.

One morning we were on the phone talking and he said that his brethren is calling him and that he will soon call me back.

It was really this girl, who was also on the programme, calling him.

I asked him why did he say it was a man who was calling. He hissed his teeth and fanned me off.


A couple months after, we started preparing for the wedding. We started our counselling sessions and I spoke about the problems, including his womanising.

He assured me that he loved me and that he was really ready. Anyway, we got married in December of last year.

It was kind of okay for a while; then he started his nonsense again, texting that girl various hours of the night while we were in bed.

I hope that you get my message as I really could use some advice. I'm lonely and depressed.


Dear S.,

You were well aware of the type of man you were going to marry.

You considered him a womaniser, but while you were doing so and having an intimate relationship with him, you were also having an intimate relationship with another man.

This other man was suffering from prostate cancer, so he couldn't give you the type of sex that you wanted, but you were willing to take his money.

You used the man and dumped him. Your husband knew that you were doing that, so he doesn't have great respect for you.

Although he is married, he is having affairs and doesn't care whether you know about it.

It does not appear this man cares about you. He wants to have a wife who would allow him to have other women, and you are not prepared to do so.

There is nothing you can do to prevent this man from having a relationship with another woman.

Right now, I can say that you do not have a marriage. If you continue to talk to him about his behaviour, he is going to get fed up and move away.

Be cool, but when he gets back to Jamaica, try to persuade him to go with you to see a family counsellor.


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