I miss my ex-husband


December 16, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am depressed and confused. I am a 41-year-old woman. I was married, but my husband got involved with another woman and he wouldn't leave her, so I divorced him.

I have never had children, but the doctors told me that there was nothing wrong with me. My husband started to call me a mule.

When he first called me a mule, I went into our room and cried. He came in and hugged me and told me that he was sorry for what he said.

Then other people in the district referred to me as the barren woman.

Then the woman that my husband was having the affair with got pregnant and he admitted to me it was his, so he could not leave her.

I thought about it and my friends told me that if I wanted to keep my husband and have him come back home, I should tell him to bring the baby home.

He told me that I should call the woman and ask her if she would give up the child. I told him that I couldn't do that and he should do the asking.

Pastor, the babymother called me and cursed me and told me that she gave him what I could not give him, so I must find a man who can 'breed' me.


For three years, my husband was coming and spending time at the house and having sex with me.

Every time we had sex, he said that he was doing so to try to get me pregnant. Finally, I told him not to come back because I am going to divorce him. He said that I can keep the house.

But now the divorce is over, I feel so confused and worried. Sometimes I do not even feel like going to work and I wish my husband was with me. I have a man friend.

Even when he holds me, it does not feel the same as when my husband held me. Friends tell me that I will get over my husband. Tell me what to do.


Dear T.M.,

The truth is you love your husband. And until you stop loving him, you will not get over your depression.

I believe that you experienced true love and some people say that true love never dies, but I can't be sure of that.

It seems to me that for you to get over your husband, you would have to bury him spiritually and emotionally in the grave. You have to consider him dead.

Otherwise, you are going to fret over him.

Let me remind you that some couples have never had children, but they are happy.

They have done everything possible to have children, including following the advice of their doctors, but nothing happened.

Some accept it as God's will for them not to have children, and some officially adopt children, while others unofficially take children to live with them and educate them.

Some took and supported their young nieces and nephews and no one would know (unless they are told) that these children are not biologically their own.

I want you to wish your former husband well, but I also want you to have a family. You are only 41 years old. Please adopt a child. I suggest that you consider a little girl.

Even if you think you may marry again, you would have a child. So that would not be a big concern on your mind anymore.

I believe that you did the right thing by divorcing your husband. I repeat, consider him dead. Bury him, sing a hymn and pronounce him dust to dust, ashes to ashes.


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