Raped by my uncle


July 31, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am a Christian. I grew up in a Christian home. I always attended church. All my siblings are Christians. I have four sisters and two brothers. Two of my sisters are married and my brothers are also married. I told them that I am not interested in getting married and they always ask me why I am not, but I never told them.

Pastor, I don't trust men. When I was 17, I asked my parents if I could go and spend a few days with one of my uncles and his wife. They said yes. I was so excited. I loved their home. One night, my aunt was not at home and my uncle forced me to have sex with him. I tried to resist him, but he threatened to shoot me and then shoot himself. I did not know what to do, so I yielded to him.


When he was finished having sex with me, I went to the bathroom and put on pads, because I was bleeding. I was a virgin. I stayed there for the whole week. My aunt asked me if something was wrong because she noticed that I was not happy. I told her no, everything was alright. I pretended that I was happy.

From that day until now, I don't trust men. The only man I trust is my father. He never troubled any one of his daughters. I don't trust that uncle. I don't talk to him. He tried to be nice to me by texting me to say 'Happy birthday'; I don't respond. He has asked me to forgive him.

There is a young man in my church who loves me. I love him too, but I pledged that I will go to my grave without having a man, because I don't want anybody to know that I was raped. This guy has a good job. He is 25 years old and he told me that he wants to settle down. We are both college-trained. We went on a seminar and we spent a lot of time talking together. I can't come to accepting that he and I could have a future together. He may want to ask me lots of questions, including sex-related questions, and I wouldn't want to tell him that I was raped by my uncle.

Pastor, what do you suggest that I do?


Dear S.K.,

I want you to know that not all men are rapists and real men would love to know that the man who raped you will languish in prison. You made a big mistake by not reporting him to his wife when he raped you. This man you called uncle is a wicked beast. I understand why you did not report him. You were afraid, and he threatened you. I know that it has been six years since this incident occurred, but I believe that what you need is to make an appointment to see a psychologist for therapy.

Your uncle has asked you to forgive him. I suppose that, as a Christian, you should, but you will never be able to forget the scars that he has left on your heart. And no one who rapes another should go unpunished. Many questions would be raised such as: why have you waited so long to report him?

You say that you hate all men and yet there is this young man who loves you. You seem to have a little, opening in your heart for him. You admire this guy but you are afraid that he may ask many questions that you may not wish to divulge. Discuss this matter with a psychologist.

I want to assure you that you have not done anything wrong and while you are so very hurt over what happened, with therapy you can deal with the matter. When you are very comfortable with yourself, learn to go on dates and the time may come when there will be so much peace in your heart that you can mention it to a man who would be very understanding and marry you.


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