My mom gave me to a man who is twice my age


January 15, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I am planning to go to university later this year. I am having a relationship with a man who is twice my age. He is so good to me. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. My father has never supported me. I don't recognise him as a father.

When I met this man and fell in love with him, I was 15 years old. He never asked me for sex. One day he 'lay-waited' me, and when I was going home from church, he followed me. I told him that he should not follow me home, and he agreed, but he wanted to know where I was living. He went home and told my mother that he has been watching me and he likes me. My mother told him that I was only a schoolgirl and he said, "Mother, I know more about her than you." She turned to me and asked me if I liked him; I told her that I didn't know him. She didn't say anything.

My mother and I were living in a one-bedroom board house on a leased land, and we used to cook outside. This guy helped my mother to put on a room and a kitchen. He started to give me money to help me to go to school. We did not have sex until I was 16 years and five months. But we almost broke up because soon after we had sex, I found out that he had a child, but it was too late for me to turn back. He is always working. His father is a builder, so he worked with his father.

I told him to support his child, and I also told him that I do not want to get pregnant until I am 24 years old. My mother loves him so much. He can't do anything wrong for her.


When I turned 18 years old, my mother allowed him to sleep at the house with me. Somebody reported my mother to the church, and she told them that I was an adult although I am still living at her house, so they should back off.

I would like to become an engineer. His parents seem to like me, but they don't like the area that we live in. My boyfriend told them that I am not going to be there for long. He spends a lot of money on me. Whenever he is taking me out, he likes it when I look attractive and he likes to show me off. Although he has slept at my house, because of the way the house is built, if we try to have sex there, my mother would hear. When she is not there, we have sex. If she is there, we go to another place and rent a room.

My mother always warns me not to get pregnant until I am finished with university. I told her not to worry.


Dear E.R.,

I am glad that this man has been taking care of you and that you love him. I am also glad that he has been a good help to your mother and that his parents have accepted you. You are fortunate that this man is not just using you. He is putting his money where his mouth is. He sees you, he loves you, and he is assisting you. You say that he does not live at the house but that he spends time with you there. You are 18 years old and you have your plans, so don't allow anything that will cause you to postpone your plans to attend university to happen.

I could understand why the church questioned your mother about having this man staying at her house from time to time. However, you have not indicated that you are a Christian, but from the way you speak, you would have been quite willing to move out on your mother and go with this man. I am glad you did not do so. I hope that you will do well in school and that the day will come when you and this man will get married and have a happy family.

Please, remain focused.


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