He has a babymother but won't leave me alone


March 03, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I am really confused, and honestly, I can't take it anymore. A few years ago, I was talking to this guy. He was my first love from high school up until our early 20s. One day, we got into a really nasty argument over the phone, and I told him that I had a man, even though it was not true. But he took it to heart and stopped talking to me. In the space of one month, he got into a relationship with a girl younger than I am.

She forced her way into the relationship. I told him that I was sorry and begged him to come back to me. I told him that I was willing to work things out because I loved him. He told me that he couldn't come back to me because he had had sex with the girl already. Pastor, I was really devastated. I told him I didn't care. I was still willing to work on the relationship. He still said no. I nearly died. I fought very hard not to let it bother me, because we were not living far from each other.

He would still contact me about once per month. Eventually, we started to go out together again, although he was still with the same girl. He got her pregnant, so I backed off completely. He didn't tell me she was pregnant; his cousin did. I cut off all contact completely, but he still won't leave me alone. He said that he loves me and that he can't bear to see me get pregnant for another man.

On his way home from work, he comes to my house every single day and spend hours before he goes home to his babymother. He takes me everywhere with him. To him, it's as if we are still in a relationship. If he sees my phone ringing, and it's a man who is calling, he gets upset. If I'm going out, he gets upset. He was always jealous with me, and I was absolutely faithful to him.

He still wants to have sex with me every day. I give in to him sometimes, but now, I just want to forget that we ever met. I don't hate him or anything, but I need to move on with my life. I am just sick of all these games and this unfaithfulness. This is not how I want my life to be. It still hurts to see him with another woman, but, unlike him, I am allowing myself to heal.

The process is long, but I'm not giving up. It's just too much right now, and I really don't deserve this kind of treatment. Neither does his babymother. I really need your advice on this, pastor.


Dear Confused,

You are not willing to see that you have contributed to this man not wanting to leave you. Have you forgotten that there was a time he told you that he didn't want to come back to you because he had another girlfriend with whom he had had sex? Have you forgotten that you told him that you didn't care what he and his girlfriend did? You wanted him back. After he got his girlfriend pregnant, he constantly visited you. You didn't discourage him, and both of you kept going out. Now, the man has cemented his place in your life again, and I am assuming that because he has not broken the ties with his child's mother, you are upset. Therefore, you want him to disappear.

Well, it is not going to happen just like that, because you have made the problem worse by having sex with him from time to time. You did not deny him sex. You gave him the impression that you love him so much that although he had been a bad boy, you would share your body with him. If you are now tired of him and you see that there is no future between the both of you, you should end the relationship with him. Tell him not to come back to your house. Don't accept his calls. Tell your parents that you are breaking the relationship with this man. Don't go anywhere with him. And keep your legs closed.


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