My mother doesn't know who my father is

Dear Pastor,

Today I made up my mind to bring a matter to you for your advice. I grew up in the inner city. My mother was a single parent. I do not know my father. I carry my mother's surname. I used to ask my mother what my father's name is but she has never told me. When I was 18, I asked my mother to tell me my father's name. I wanted to search for him. My mother said that when she got pregnant with me, she did

not know who got her pregnant because she had had sex with

different men for money.

I wanted to cry, but no tears come from my eyes. When I was 13 going on 14, I had sex with a 16-year-old guy who was living in the yard. He used to give me money. I was not the only girl in the yard who was having sex with him. But one of the girls, who wanted him for herself, told my mother. My mother beat me. A few years after that, I found out that her reason for beating me was that she was having an affair with the guy's father. But that man now dead.

This guy turned out to be so good. He moved out from the area, and he has a good job. We have gone out together a number of times since he left the area, and we laughed about what we used to do. My mother knows that we are seeing each other.

We would like to get married. I have two children by

two men. He has four children with four women, and that

is what is bothering me. Between the both of us, there are

six children. My children's fathers don't support them. I do buying and selling, and I work very hard. He own two taxis.

He has been helping with my children. I am trying to sort myself out. What do you have to say about this relationship?

O.P.

Dear O.P.,

As you know, you cannot undo the past. You will not forget it totally, but you should not allow your past to haunt you. Evidently, you had a rough upbringing.

Your mother was loose. She ran around with different men, and as a result of her conduct, you don't know who your father is. Too bad! Then, you began

to have sex very early. I doubt you would have become sexually involved with men

if your mother had set a good example.

If this dude who used to have sex with you at such a tender age has changed and is back in your life, and you believe that both of you love each other, I would encourage both of you to call a family counsellor and make an appointment to see him. He will help you to plan your future.

Pastor.