18 and proud to have a 60-year-old lover

Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-years-old girl, and I am in a relationship with a 60-year-old man. He treats me very well, but he is a heavy smoker. He is sending me to school. He told me I can do anything I want except keep a man with him. I respect him very much, so I don't keep any boyfriends with him. But I cannot deal with his smoking. He doesn't smoke weed; he smokes cigarettes. He is what people call a chain-smoker. He takes one cigarette and lights the other.

When I told him that it is not good to smoke because it may give him lung cancer, he told me that it is not only smoking that gives lung cancer. He said he knows people who don't smoke but have lung cancer. Sometimes he drinks, but his drinking is not as bad as the smoking. When he drinks, he lies down and sleeps. He doesn't curse bad words like some men when they are intoxicated. Sometimes I have on nice clothes, and when I go into the car, the whole place is stink of cigarette.

This man is not a fool, he is educated. I am proud to be his girlfriend. But he loves to smoke and when his friends come around, and they are drinking and smoking, I have to close up the doors and let them stay on the front porch. If it were possible for me to put something in his food to turn his mind from cigarette, I would do it. Tell me how I can get him to stop.

G.P.

Dear G.P.,

I have a friend in Kentucky in the United States, who is a heavy smoker. As one enters his house, one can smell the tobacco throughout the house. He smokes a pipe, and he does it mostly after he had his dinner. He tells me that by smoking he is enjoying the finer things in life. He smokes expensive tobacco. His friend does not smoke. He chews tobacco. These men, like your man friend, know the danger of smoking. Some of them don't want to stop. Others say that they want to stop but are unable to do so.

The problem is, you love this man. He loves you also, but he likes his cigarettes. The question is, should you harass him or threaten him over his smoking? It is true that tobacco smoking is one of the main causes of death in Jamaica. The main ingredients of tobacco smoke are nicotine, tar and carbon monoxide, and these are very harmful to everybody.

Cigarette smoking is popular in Jamaica. Those who smoke should not be condemned, but they should be reminded that doing so can have devastating results. It is not only cancer of the lungs that is caused by smoking. One may suffer from cancer of the mouth, throat, pancreas, bladder, kidney, stomach, cervix, heart diseases, etc.

You may wonder why it is so difficult for men and women to stop smoking. You see, smokers become addicted to nicotine, and it is not an addiction that is easy to break. When someone is a smoker, there is always a craving for nicotine. So I would say to you, go easy on your man friend. Don't curse him and carry on, work with him and show some compassion for him.

When his friends come around, entertain them as much as you can, you don't have to stay around them. And make sure children are not around. I wish your man would stop smoking because the risk of all the things that smoking may cause would stop. Encourage your man friend to talk to a doctor about this problem. Bear in mind, however, that he may not see smoking as a problem and he may be reluctant to seek help or to even discuss the matter with a doctor.

Pastor