Boyfriend doesn't know I had two abortions


May 18, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 30, and I need your help. I have a boyfriend. When I met him, he did not tell me that he was married and that his wife was away.

We got together, and he told me I should tell him everything about myself. I opened up to him, and I told him everything.

I had got pregnant twice, and I told him about that. I told him the names of the guys who got me pregnant and why I aborted the pregnancies.

When I told him the name of one of the men, he went silent for a while. I asked him why he was silent, and he said nothing.

The following day, I saw him and I pressed the issue. He said that one of the men who got me pregnant is his uncle. I was shocked.

He said that I should look for another boyfriend because although he and his wife are not getting along, he can't marry me because I had two abortions and his uncle and I were bed partners.

I told him that that was a long time ago, and he said that although that might be true, as his girlfriend, he would have to introduce me to his relatives when the time comes. How would he introduce me to his uncle?

I told him that I terminated the pregnancy because I was going to college. I also reminded him that it was he who forced me to tell him about my past.

I love this man so much, but I made a mistake by telling him too much about myself.

I am talking to another guy now. He asked me if I had ever got pregnant. I told him if I had got pregnant, he would have seen the child. I told him that he shouldn't discuss that with me because I would not allow him to get me pregnant.

He is a Christian, and I have become a Christian too. Nobody in the church knows that I have done abortions. He wants to get married, but he hasn't proposed to me. I'm afraid that he may leave me if he finds out the truth.

What should I tell this man when the matter is raised again?


Dear L.T.,

First, I would like to tell you that it is unfortunate that you got sexually involved with a man who is related to one of your past lovers.

You were a little careless. You should have protected yourself by not having unprotected sex. But, that man should have protected you, too. Couples don't always think about what may happen when they are in love and are having sex.

I must confess that I really feel sorry for what has happened to you, especially concerning with the young man and his uncle.

But you cannot change what has happened, so don't fret over the past. The question is: What are you supposed to do now in this new relationship? Should you tell this young man that you have been pregnant twice and have had two abortions? Should you keep it as a secret?

You don't know what this young man would do. You are 30 years old. If he is a mature Christian and loves you, he might not cause what you have done to be a stumbling block between the two of you.

He may forgive your past, and the both of you might be able move on. My suggestion is that you tell him. Although you say nobody in the church knows that you have had two abortions, you cannot be too sure about that, and you would not want him to hear about that from someone else.

So, tell him, and if he wants to go, let him go in peace, but at least your conscience would be free. That is the way I see it.


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