My man is always demanding sex

Dear Pastor,

Thanks for your column. I am a regular reader. I have been in a relationship for four years now with a man who likes to gamble.

Whenever he loses, he curses me using bad words and says that I am the one who causes him to lose his money because I don't give him money to gamble and I don't give him sex.

Pastor, I work very hard. I stand all day at work for 11 hours, and as soon as I go home, this man wants to have sex with me. For as long as the night is, he keeps harassing me for sex.

Whenever I ask him for money, he says he doesn't have any, and at the same time, he wants sex. If this man has an erection every day of the week, it doesn't matter what time, he wants sex. He is stressing me out.

If I get my day off from work and go in town or go to visit my children, he says I go to have sex with another man.

Sometimes I have to get really mad and tell him 'feisty' things. I have to sleep with a knife in order to sleep in peace.

I tell him to go home, but he refuses to go. I can't have sex seven days per week, so if he can't be satisfied with what he is getting, lucky him. I am fed up.

He doesn't want me to talk to anyone in his family, and he is a liar. He tells lies until he ties himself up in his own lies.

Sometimes I am fed up with the disgrace and the arguments with this man. I have given him an ultimatum of 30 days. I will be leaving after that. Sex is not the only thing that keeps a relationship going.

Sometimes I feel like I should cheat on this man because he is pushing me to the edge, but I am strong. I won't let him fool me into getting my death sentence or hurting my dignity. I need your answer.

D.C.

Dear D.C.,

This man needs professional help. When a man is a compulsive gambler, he is in serious trouble. Some people gamble once or twice per week for the fun of it.

Others do it every day, hoping that they are going to hit the jackpot big and become very wealthy. But the more they gamble, the more they lose, and their homes suffer.

There are many forms of gambling, but I won't go into them here. If you continue to have this man as your lover, he is likely to milk you dry, and you will find that if you constantly give him money, you will become an old woman who will have nothing to fall back on when you reach retirement.

Right now, he is using you, and I will suggest that you talk to him and tell him that you are going to leave him if he is not willing to seek help.

He has a serious addiction. There are many groups in the US that assist persons like your boyfriend, but they have to be willing to receive help.

Perhaps you should check to find out whether there are such groups here in Jamaica. In North America and other places, they are called Gamblers Anonymous.

I found out that someone tried to organise such a group in Jamaica, but at the moment, it is not functioning.

This man takes great delight in demanding sex from you every night, and to protect yourself, you have to be sleeping with a knife. I am afraid that if both of you do not receive help, one may kill the other.

So, please call a family counsellor, and try to make an appointment for both of you to meet with him/her.

Pastor